Stuck In The Friend Zone

“The Friend Zone”, contrary to popular belief, it’s not only men who get stuck in that dreaded place.  I’m currently in the zone with a guy who I think would actually make great boyfriend material, and it sucks – big time.

I’ve known this guy, lets call him ‘Dutch Dude’ (gimme a break, he’s Dutch and I’m running out of pseudonyms), for approximately seven years now. We first started talking back in the days when social networking site Blackplanet.com was the big thing. It was so long ago that I can’t even remember how or why we started talking but I do remember that our messages moved from Blackplanet to Myspace to email. Lots of general chit chat, a bit of harmless e-flirting, exchanging photos, sharing stories. Years passed and we stayed in touch.

We met in person for the first time in 2004 when he came over from Amsterdam for London’s annual Notting Hill Carnival. Our first meeting consisted of nothing more than a hug and a ‘Hi, nice to meet you at last’. The following year when he was back for carnival, we went for lunch and while I thought he was sweet, I didn’t think anything of it. He went in to kiss me on the lips when we said goodbye. I was surprised and a bit freaked out. He was nice to speak to on the internet, but I just wasn’t thinking of him in ‘that way’.

Anyway, fast forward six years and in 2011 we’re still great buddies.  We may be in different countries but we’re closer now than we’ve ever been. Problem is, more recently, I started seeing him in a different way.

I treated myself to a weekend in Amsterdam a couple of years ago. I figured flights to Amsterdam are cheap, it’s only a one hour flight, it’s a lovely change of scenery and I know someone there so doesn’t matter if I go alone. Although I stayed in a hotel, Dutch Dude and I hung out in the evenings. We got along reeeaaaaally well. After years of having a purely online relationship it was a pleasant surprise to learn just how easy it was to be with him in person.  The fact that I enjoyed his company so much (and the fact he’d been working out and was looking extremely scrumptious) made me look at him in a different way. After that trip our emails and BBM conversations definitely had more of a flirty tone to them.

Last month I enjoyed another weekend in Amsterdam, but this time I  stayed at Dutch Dude’s place. He suggested it to save cash and feeling that I knew him better now, I thought it was a good idea.  Although I wasn’t sure what to expect so I over-analysed and built it up to epic proportions in my mind. Where would I sleep? What sort of nightclothes should I take? Am I going as just a friend? Will anything happen between us? Do I want anything to happen between us?

Turns out I needn’t have worried about a thing. NOTHING happened. As always he was was an absolute sweetheart, a great host and ever the gentleman. When he left me alone in his apartment one morning (he had previous plans), I woke up went in the kitchen and found he had left out everything I could possibly need for breakfast. It was so adorable – a mug, a plate, a bowl, cutlery, teabags, coffee, bread, eggs, ham and cheese. All arranged on the counter for me to use. I swooned. Isn’t that the behaviour of someone who’d make a kind and caring boyfriend?? Also, he took me out for dinner at my favourite Surinamese restaurant and also on a romantic nighttime canal cruise, except there was no romance. None at all, goddamit!

Am I to blame? Is it my own fault for not being attracted to him at the very beginning? Did I miss the bus?

Now reading: How To Turn A Guy Friend Into A Boyfriend’

Tags: Amsterdam, Holiday romance