The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

I haven’t had a guest blogger since my one year blogaversary week of international guest posts back in April. It’s been a long time coming but the timing on this one couldn’t be any more perfect. To combat all of the anti-dating talk I’ve been doing lately, here’s the lovely Liz from We Love Dates sharing her story…

We at We Love Dates love Ms. Single Filez and her blog.  When I found out she wasn’t so much loving the dates right now, I completely sympathized.  I am the editor for a dating website for the love of god, I am supposed to LOVE DATES. However, it wasn’t always like that.

Last year around this time, I took a break from dating.  I removed all my online dating profiles, and deleted a bunch of numbers from my phone.  I was burned out, and completely over it. After meeting man after man,  I was losing faith in the male species. Dating wasn’t making me feel good, and life is hard enough.

Since I was no longer spending countless hours online maintaining my online dating profiles, or going out on dates, I found myself with a lot of free time.  I wish I could tell you I spent my time by volunteering at a charity, or saving the world.  Nah.  Instead, I was a little bored, and I felt a little bit lost.  Usually, when I needed a boost, or didn’t want to stay home on a Friday night, I’d hop online and set up a date.  I realized that dating had become a mindless time filler.

Instead, I watched a lot of T.V, hung out with friends and family, worked out at the gym and found myself again – take that Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love!  I didn’t even have to go to Italy!

I began un-hiding my profiles online.  Instead of trying to meet as many men as possible in an effort to “give everyone a chance”, I dated selectively.  I didn’t allow myself to feel pressured in meeting in real life if I was unsure.  I evaluated my dating habits and put a stop to behaviors and patterns that would ultimately end with me sad and hurt.  I also began smiling back at guys at the gym, or sparking a conversation with the hottie behind me in line at Starbucks.

I didn’t sit down one day and declare my dating ban lifted.  I think as humans, we crave affection and butterflies in our tummy and all the good, cheese-ball stuff that goes along with dating.  When I was ready, I allowed dating back into my life, but I no longer made it my life.

My advice to anyone feeling burned out by the dating game is to take a break, have some fun and relax.  Drink some wine with your girls.  Hang out with your puppy and your DVR for a night. Remember that the option to date will always be there.

Whatever you do, take the pressure off yourself.  I think we forget all the positives that come with being single…it’s really pretty fabulous.

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We Love Dates is an online dating website & dating advice blog for singles in the UK, Ireland, US, Canada, South Africa & Australia.  Liz blogs (and vlogs!) about all things online dating, love, sex and relationships.  Follow We Love Dates on Twitter, and get friendly with them on Facebook.  

Tags: Dating Advice, Dating Websites, Online Dating, Singles, We Love Dates

When I was approached and asked to take part in the second annual Blog Crawl for National Unmarried and Single Americans Week my first thought was “errr…. but, I’m not an American”. However, when I found out more about the event and what exactly happened during the Blog Crawl, I was more than happy to jump onboard.

Today National Unmarried and Single Americans (USA) Week kicks off with the second annual blog crawl which showcases the most influential writers and blogs – established and prevailing – in the online singles community.

I’m relatively new to the online singles community, so  it goes without saying that I’m happy (and extremely proud) to announce that The Single Filez is the first international blog to be featured in the Blog Crawl, exposing National USA Week to an international audience.

The concept was created by SingleWomenRule.com; and the idea is that a blog crawl is similar to a pub crawl in the real world (sounds good already eh?). Readers will be guided to seven blogs, one each day of the week, to read a guest post by one of seven featured writers. The Blog Crawl kicks off today with an article by Executive Director of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, Lisa-Nicole Grist posted on SingleWomenRule.com, and ends next Saturday with an article by Dr. Bella DePaulo, author of Single with Attitude, and Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After on The Alternatives to Marriage Project blog.

Filmmaker and best selling author Michelle Cove joins the Blog Crawl for the first year and will be guest writing a post right here on The Single Filez  on Thursday 23rd September (so excited!) the very same day her new book Seeking Happily Ever After: How to navigate the ups and down of being single without losing your mind (and finding lasting love along the way) is released by Tarcher/Penguin.

Tags: Blog Crawl, Relationships, Singles

So get this… I haven’t been on a date in over five months and my dating life sucks balls (mind you, even when I was actively dating… my dating life still sucked balls) but for some reason, people actually want to speak to me about DATING and even consider me to be some sort of authority on the subject. Crazy huh?

Well, even though I don’t seem to be too great at doing the whole dating thing, if there is one thing I can do, it’s talk about it. A lot.

So, when I was approached by Click Tonight, the UK’s leading Party Dating website, and asked to talk about my life and experiences being a single girl in London – I figured, who was I to say no? Click Tonight is a cross between social networking and dating and definitely a site I’ll be looking at more in the future but, for now, if you’re remotely interested in hearing a bit of gossip, reading about the best (and worst) date I’ve ever been on and also my advice to the newly single and fabulous… head on over to the Click Tonight blog by clicking HERE and have a read.

Enjoy!

Tags: Click Tonight, Dating Advice, Dating Tips, Dating Websites, Interview, Online Dating, Parties, Singles

I have a great social life and don’t let being single stop me from doing what I want to do but hey, plain and simple, I’d really like a boyfriend now.

Over the past month or so I’ve been wondering, why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through the torture that is online dating? Why am I putting myself through sending messages to guys who don’t think I’m worthy of a reply? Why am I using up my time going out with guys that I only feel ‘so-so’ about? The answer to all of the above is, because of this blog. Before I started blogging I was quite happy plodding along and getting on with life but now I’m spending a whole lot of time thinking/talking about/drawing attention to the fact that I’m single.

I have a great assortment of friends here in London. I’ve always been able to keep myself busy hanging out with friends in bars, restaurants, at the movies, basketball games, concerts or whatever other things me and my peeps get ourselves into. London is a great city to be single in, there’s always something to see or do. On the flip side, I’m also happy to be at home alone, pigging out on some good food and watching whatever is on the box. It’s obvious to me that if it wasn’t for this blog I wouldn’t be doing this dating thing on such an aggressive level.

I’m not a ‘needy’ singleton. I’m not afraid to be alone. In fact, I really quite enjoy my own company and I as said last week in my guest post on MetAnotherFrog.com, I do think there is something brilliant, exhilarating and indeed confidence-boosting about my singledom.

However, now that I’m a ‘dating blogger’ I feel worse about my dating life than I ever did before.  How’s that for irony? Whereas previously I might’ve browsed an online dating site once every few months. Now I’m on them every bloody day.  It’s almost as though I feel this invisible pressure to land dates so I have something to write about. I’ve been asking myself lately, am I blogging to date or am I dating to blog?

Pre The Single Filez, I got on with things without concentrating on my singledom. Don’t get me wrong, of course I’d think about it from time to time. Of course I’d see happy couples and wish I could experience what it feels like. It’s just that, back then it wasn’t such a huge focus. Now with my blog and with my Twitter, it’s something I’m always focusing on and I don’t think its good for the soul.

I’ve been told a million times “Mr Right isn’t going to come knocking at your front door”, “You’re never going to meet someone if you don’t date” and the age-old cliche ”You gotta be in it to win it” But somehow, I felt heaps better about being single when I wasn’t actively trying to date.

Don’t worry, I’m not about to disappear from the blogosphere or anything. I love interacting with all of the new people that have come into my life since I started doing this waaaaay too much for that.  Although I am going to take a step back from the dating sites… whether or not anything will happen in my dating life without them, who knows? Only time will tell…

PS. I’m off on hols next week, so no blog posts for a little while. After reading the above, probably a blessing in disguise.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a dating update. I guess the combination of being ditched by Pussy Boy, being totally underwhelmed by teenager in a 30 year old’s body Mr PAYG and then the slightly too intense Italian Guy back in May. Followed by my failed attempts to meet up with Fit Irish Guy in early June was enough to put me off dating for a little while. I became disheartened by the calibre of men I was meeting (i.e. they all sucked!) so felt, that since I had a trip coming up that it would make sense for me to take a date break to allow me to come back feeling fresh, raring to go and ready to date again.

Who Is He?

‘The Business Man’ is a guy I’ve been exchanging messages with on POF for about a week before we decided to meet up. He’s 32 years old and like me, he’s not originally a Londoner but has been living here for many years. The Business Man gets his name because duh, duh, duuuh…. he owns his own business. He seems to be doing well but poor thing, it’s left him too busy to date, too busy for fun generally by the sounds of things.

First impressions before meeting him were all positive. Good flowing conversation on POF, a couple of phonecalls plus he initiated a good amount of ‘Hey, how was your day?’ text message conversations in the lead up to the date. He seemed keen, and guess what? I didn’t mind one little bit.

*Sidenote: Isn’t it strange how when we’re not sure about a guy, exchanging lots of text messages before meeting up can seem way too eager and kinda sorta creepy? But yet, when we’re feeling the dude, it can feel absolutely fine, normal even. Funny that.

The Positives

- He looked cute.

- Although his spelling/grammar wasn’t great (sorry, an online dating pet peeve of mine), he had a sense of humour about it. In brackets at the end of his first message to me “Look, all of my capitals in the right place. Just for you”. Cute!

- Sounded nice and was easy to talk to on the phone.

- Um. Did I mention he was kinda cute?

The Negatives

- Messed me around a bit sorting out the date (which turned into a positive when he moved work-related things around so that he was able to see me).

- His spelling made me cringe a little, especially when he spelt Leicester as “Lesta”…

The Date

As you can see, I was *really struggling* to find ‘before date negatives’ for this particular update because to be honest, there really wasn’t anything that bad. I guess that’s the reason why I was actually looking forward to this date – he seemed promising, and normal.

He looked like his pics, shorter than his profile indicated but he had lovely muscular arms (a weakness of mine) which his profile hadn’t indicated. He was a nice looking guy. Not in a ‘phwoar’ kinda way, but in a ‘he’s actually quite cute kinda’ way.

Within the first 30 minutes of the date he complained about a leg injury, a shoulder injury and his allergies. I found out he doesn’t drink alcohol (yes, you read right. He DOESN’T. DRINK. ALCOHOL.) he only eats Halal meat and he doesn’t like hot weather. In mind head I was thinking “Sweet Jesus, get me outta here NOW!” but then I stopped and made myself think about the ‘Mr Good Enough’ theory. I had to literally tell myself, “C’mon now, stop looking at every little superficial thing as a reason to write him off. You picky cow.”

I’m glad I stuck it out, he turned out to be OK. He was pleasant, I found his background really interesting although I probably scared him half to death with all of my questions about his family once I found out they came from the African country of Malawi but his Dad was Indian and his Mum was half black/half Indian. Fascinating, right? I learnt loads about the history of Malawi. Both cute AND educational. Bonus.

Overall, it was a strange date. He spent a lot of time on his phone – work stuff? He thought we were only meeting for a quick coffee while I had been thinking we were meeting for Friday evening (alcoholic) drinks. I was the one who suggested staying out and the idea to go get something to eat, came from me. I don’t know quite how to evaluate this one. Yes, he did offer to give me a lift (in his very fancy car) to the train station but other than that, I didn’t come away from the evening with any indication that he was interested in me. There was no mention of another date, no mention of giving me a call. Nothing. I text him to let him know I was home safe and to thank him for a lovely evening, all I got back from him was “Oh that’s good, didn’t take you long to get home”. Reckon I’m going to write this one off as a no-go methinks. Good thing I have a date with a different guy lined up for this Thursday eh?

NEXT!