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Do I Keep Dating Him, Or Not?

7 Nov

I knew that last week Friday’s date with T.B., was going to be a hard act to follow but with other dates already in the diary, I had to keep on keeping on. After my first date with The Chatty Policeman I hadn’t planned on going out of my way to see him again but, he had other plans. He kept the text conversations going and, bless his heart, he surprised the hell out of me with a lovely text message on my birthday. He wanted me to let him know when I was free so that he could take me for a birthday meal. That’s how our dinner date last Tuesday came about.

So, here’s the thing. The Chatty Policeman is sweet and he proved with the birthday text that he is thoughtful too. But I can’t get around the fact that there was a reason I was ready to write him off after one coffee date. That reason was that he didn’t ‘do it’ for me. I didn’t feel excited about him. You usually just ‘know’ about these things, don’t you?

 

 

Problem is, on our second date, he said that he’d told his Mum about me (huh? what? already?) and then when I got home he text me saying he’d like to see me again soon. Oh dear.

Courtesy of @YourTangoHow Do You Let Someone Know You Don’t Want A Second Date? (or in my case, third)  http://su.pr/2Ne33A

Courtesy of @DateHaterBlogHow To Break Up With Someone (not quite the same, but the advice is still relevant)  http://bit.ly/b89sXP

I’m not the best when it comes to letting someone know I’m not interested. This is mainly because I don’t like knowing I’ve made someone feel hurt but, also because since reading up on ‘Mr Good Enough‘ and deciding that I need to ‘date outside of my type‘, there is a part of me that thinks maybe I need to give these things a chance. What if something were to ‘click’ further down the road and he ends up being ‘the one’? I sometimes think I’ve dismissed too many perfectly nice guys in the past all because I don’t feel instant chemistry. Because I don’t get butterflies in my stomach. That’s what I want. That’s still what I’m looking for. I’m more than happy with the idea of ‘Mr Good Enough’, I mean, who really wants a ‘Mr Perfect’ anyway? But is it wrong that I still want a little bit of the fairytale feeling? Can I be blamed for still wanting the fireworks with my Mr Good Enough?

Do I keep dating him, or not? My sister says I should. In case he grows on me, in case something changes that causes me to see The Chatty Policeman in a different light. But is that fair on him? Won’t I just end up going down the exact same route I went down with Older Guy?

Oh and I still haven’t replied to his text yet, HELP!

Apparently, This Is Why I’m Still Single…

7 Nov

Are my habits to blame for me being single? According to MSN they are. I’m still not dating so have no juicy goss to share on that front I’m afraid but, I just finished reading Women, 10 habits that are keeping you single on MSN UK and have found myself particularly annoyed at the suggestion that I am the one to blame for being single. Okay, I admit I related to some of the points in the article, but personally I don’t think any of them are strong enough to pin my singledom on. What do you think?

 

1. First Move Phobia

Okay. I admit, this may play a tiny part in my singledom. I’m rubbish at making the first move if I spot a guy who looks interesting. Sheeeiiit, I’m rubbish at even making eye contact. I’m shy. I’m not confident enough to approach a guy like that. I’m scared of rejection. I’m a huge big wuss. Major fail on my part.

2. Playing Hard To Get

When I do meet a guy I like, while I am cautious and (mostly) sensible, I’m not one for playing games. If I like him, I’ll let him know that I like him. I will always judge it by how he is towards me but if he’s calling and texting me, then I’m calling and texting him too.  So nope, I’m not one for ‘playing’ hard to get.

 

3. Romantic Perfectionism

Errrr… a little. As mentioned in Are Chick Flicks Evil?, I do love a good chick flick and I am a sucker for a fairytale ending BUT I’m also very much a realist. I’m not expecting a guy to be perfect. I’m open to dating guys who may not act or look like that ‘rom-com knight in shining armour’ type. However, if a date does look like Ryan Reynolds or Taye Diggs – I sure ain’t complaining either.

4. Appearance Insecurity

Nope. This one isn’t an issue for me. I may not look like bloody Halle Berry or Kim Kardashian, but I’m okay with I’ve got. I’m small and cute, probably more of a ‘she looks young for her age and she’s got a lovely smile, cute’, but I’m a-iiiight. I mean, I’d kill for a toned mid section like Mel B’s but its not like have to worry about having to skip dessert.

5. Bad Man Choices

Yes, I have made bad man choices in the past, but who hasn’t? For me it isn’t a case of accepting bad dates for fear of being single. It’s more a case of accepting what I think is at the time, is a good date to then discover further on down the line that it was a bad choice. The reason I’m single? Maybe.

6. Low Tiff Tolerance

This one isn’t even relevant to me. I’ve never even had a relationship with a guy that has lasted long enough to get to a tiff stage! Is it mad that I’d actually love to have the experience of arguing with a guy? Just because. Just because it would mean something. Means that we care enough to argue. Aaahhh, one day eh?

7. Ex Talk

Urrgh no. I hate this. Personally, I don’t have a ‘specific’ ex to talk of so this isn’t something I’m guilty of but I’ve been on dates where the guy speaks constantly about his ex. It’s irritating. Therefore, not something I would do.

8. Sofa Hugging

I can be guilty of this one. I love my flat, my sofa, my netbook and my TV and I ‘fess up to spending way too much quality time with Grey’s Anatomy or X Factor when I should be ‘out there’. I know I’m not going to meet my Mr Right by staying indoors, but thats okay because I’m out a lot too. I’m actually quite the social butterfly. It’s all about balance.

9. Desperation

Nope. This isn’t me. Desperation just isn’t attractive. At all. Whether you’re a man or a woman – don’t go there.

10. Relationship Resistance

They’ve got me wrong on this one too. Relationship resistance? Nah, not at all. A chance would be a fine thing.

Am I single because of any of the points listed above? I truly don’t think so. Why is anyone single when they don’t want to be? Ladies and gents, I refer you to my to stock answer whenever I’m asked that question “It’s just a case of not having met the right one yet”.

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Messages on POF – So Bad, They’re Good

7 Nov

Over the course of the past few months, at regular intervals, I’ve been posting the really bad messages I get on POF (PlentyOfFish.com) on Twitter. The messages are actually so bad they’re good. So bad that they often make me giggle. So bad that I’m guilty of breaking out the POF inbox when having cocktail based nights-in with my girlfriends. Most would break out the DVDs or photo albums, but not me, I break out my laptop. A POF inbox makes for an interesting evenings worth of entertainment, especially when you’re already giggly thanks to too many homemade alcolic beverages.

 

In the past I’ve been told the messages I share on Twitter are turning me into somewhat of a comedian, but the thing is, I really can’t take all of the credit… the credit must go to the many ‘delightful’, ‘flattering’ and ‘oh so articulate’ men who insist on sending me such comical messages.

Fellow blogger The Hopeful Romantic suggested I should do a blog post on the many cringe worthy messages I’ve received. I once (way back in the day) wrote a post on My Online Dating Pet Peeves, but this is different. Today’s post is dedicated, solely, to the ‘Messages on POF’.

 

Please do bear in mind, these are all real honest-to-goodness messages I have received on POF. They are all first time messages, so I guess they can be classed as introductions. I have not tampered with any, no editing has been done whatsoever and they appear in full.  I have not changed any spelling, grammar or exaggerated anything for entertainment purposes. These guys are really just this abrupt, really this slimy and really this clueless – with no help from me.

I hope they bring you as much amusement (or should that be bewilderment?) as they have brought me…

  • “you put some nice pics on your profile, it will be good to go out on a date with you, we we will have much to talk about!”
  • “your smile is doing it honey :)
  • “i like u”
  • “you look hot”
  • “how u doing gergous?xxx”
  • “Hi how are you? you are very nice, ciao”
  • “hey u r a scorpio, u nice !!!”
  • “hoii ya looking great as usual”
  • “you look gorgeous and i like you”.
  • “you’re a cutie ;-)
  • “Text me, 079xxx xxxxxxx”
  • “Morning Cheeky”
  • “hiya, u’ve got quite an admirable appearance i must say; certainly the looks of a black queen! regrettably, cant help sounding rather flattery or being perceived as disingenuous, but i’m being honest as i possibly can, from just gazing at your photos posted here. hoping my guess is not quite far from d real you!!”

I guess these guys think their messages are somehow flattering but does anyone else find it funny (or, ahem, scary) that grown men seem to think it’s okay to approach a woman like this?

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Things I Learnt From My NYC Trip

7 Nov

It’s no secret that I’m a huge big New-York-ophile. (What? If you can be an ‘Anglo-phile’ then surely you can be a ‘New-York-ophile too, right?)  I’ve previously blogged about the many ways I Heart New York and here I am writing about The Big Apple yet again except this time I’m taking a look back at the things I learnt on my most recent trip.

 

Location is everything

I’d always done the typical tourist thing – staying in hotels slap bang in the middle of everything. The buzz you get from looking out of your room window and seeing the Empire State Building is unreal, trust me. Anyhoo, this time around I decided I want to live the life of a ‘real New Yorker’ so I rented a gorgeous studio apartment instead. Except… the apartment was in East Harlem. I mean no offence to anyone who may live in East Harlem, but let’s just say… you don’t have much eye-candy going on do ya? If  tattoos on necks and trousers so low you see butts & boxers do it for you then yeah, sure. But for me, who likes a man to look a little cleaner and smarter, hmmm not so much. Guess who will be staying back downtown on her next trip to NYC?

I’m ballsy, but I’m not that ballsy

 

As mentioned in my last post, although I’m not ballsy enough to make eyes at a cute  guy I see out, I am ballsy enough to up-sticks and travel across the Atlantic ocean for 10 nights in a foreign country all on my lonesome. However despite plenty of people telling me I do should it and despite a part of me actually wanting to do it – I totally chickened out of going to a New York bar on my own. Going to breakfast, lunch or dinner solo I can do no problem. Walking into a packed bar at night-time to drink a cocktail or glass of wine? Urgh. For some reason the idea fills me with dread. So yep, I’m a big fat non-balls-having wuss.

Being single in New York, rocks!

Being single in New York seems waaahay more exciting. I met up with lots of awesome NYC bloggers/tweeters while I was out there and they made me realise they all have so much more going on that I do.  They actually date. More than one person in some cases. They take guys home from bars, they kick guys out of bed, they have exciting text conversations with guys they meet at the beach, they go to ‘bring a single friend of the opposite sex’ parties, they date guys they meet at work. Me, I have nothing going on. Nada. Zilch.  I get the distinct feeling I’d have a better time being single out there than I do here in London, *sigh*.

 

I need to make the move, and soon

I’ve played with the idea for a long time now but this trip convinced me that I need to experience living in New York. Whether it’s for 6 months or for 6 years, this is something I need to make happen. I don’t want to get to 80 years old and look back on my life with sad regret. I mean jeez, who else would get emotional while hearing Jay-Z & Alicia Key’s ‘Empire State of Mind’ on her last night in New York, other than someone who is meant to live there? (Disclaimer: there is a huge chance the emotion was brought on by the many margaritas on the rocks I consumed, but hey…)

So, this is the deal – I need a job, a sponsor,  a work permit/visa or  even just a New Yorker willing to marry me. Any offers?

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Yes, Gentlemen Do Still Exist (Part 1)

7 Nov

Compared to going out for casual after-work drinks,  Saturday dates seem more ‘special’. Knowing there is no work the next day, more time to prepare, time to shower, time to give myself a  mani/pedi and time to play around with my outfit – it just feels like more of a big deal doesn’t it? Even more so knowing that he was coming to pick me up. I said I wouldve been happy to make my own way and meet him there, but he absolutely insisted. At the time we arranged the date he told me he would pick me up and drop me home too… what on earth is this considerate and courteous gentlemanly behaviour? I’m not at all familiar with it. No comprende.

Anyways, after near enough a whole week of feeling excited about our second date, on Saturday afternoon I received a phonecall from Older Guy. I assumed it was just him calling to finalise plans, but I was wrong. He was calling to say that unfortunately one of his jobs had ran over and he wanted to know if would it be ok if we postponed our dinner date until Sunday. (Without boring you all to death with the details, he’s a self-employed IT contractor and one of his important clients system’s went down so he had worked all through the previous night fixing it but had to go back in on Saturday to finish the job). Of course I was disappointed,  but at the same time I totally understood and respected why he had to move our date. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice but I couldn’t have done too good a job, because he repeatedly kept trying to reassure me, “I’m not messing you about, honestly. I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight”.

I tried my best to convince him all was fine and tried to get into some lighthearted conversation, I didn’t want to come across like a sulky teenager but deep down, I couldn’t help feeling disappointed… I HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO MY SATURDAY NIGHT DATE GODDAMMIT!

Not too long after the phone conversation ended, I got a text message from Older Guy saying:

“I apologise again and will make it up to you tomorrow xxx”

I thought that was sweet of him. Apart from the fact his work had come in the way of our dates twice now, he actually keeps on impressing me. I replied to the text saying that I was gutted, I had been looking forward to our Saturday night date but such is life, I’ll see him tomorrow (Sunday) instead. I finished the text with a upbeat “Now, go and get some sleep!” (he had been working all night). I honestly didn’t want to let him know just how disappointed I really was. You’re only supposed to appear lighthearted, carefree and mysterious at this stage, right?

Anyway, after a bit of therapeutic whinging on Twitter next thing you know… I get a text message from him saying:

“Right, its sorted. I’ve spoken to the client and told him I have a hot date tonight, lol! He was really cool about it and I’ll finish the job off tomorrow. I’m off to get some sleep and I will pick you up at 7pm. I didn’t phone you just in case you try to change my mind! xxx”

I literally broke out in the largest, cheesiest smile ever. Wow and, wow. If I was impressed before, now I was feeling mighty damn special! I text back to let him know I felt guilty for getting in the way of his work and yes I had been disappointed, but I would have managed to survive waiting until the next day! Although, I also let him know that I wasn’t complaining and that I’d see him later at 7pm! Hahaha yes I am sweet but no, I’m not stupid…

To be continued…

 

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