Well, even though I don’t seem to be too great at doing the whole dating thing, if there is one thing I can do, it’s talk about it. A lot.

Click Tonight... all about the partaaays

So, when I was approached by Click Tonight, the UK’s leading Party Dating website, and asked to talk about my life and experiences being a single girl in London – I figured, who was I to say no? Click Tonight is a cross between social networking and dating and definitely a site I’ll be looking at more in the future but, for now, if you’re remotely interested in hearing a bit of gossip, reading about the best (and worst) date I’ve ever been on and also my advice to the newly single and fabulous… head on over to the Click Tonight blog by clicking HERE and have a read.

Enjoy!

It’s been five date free months and although I’m still not totally convinced that online dating is the way forward for me, I’ve decided its time to try get myself back out there again. It’s no secret that I’d prefer to meet a guy the ‘old-fashioned way’ (through friends, at the gym, at a bar/shopping centre/through work… anything) but it doesn’t happen that way for me anymore. It really doesn’t.

I figured it would be good to spice things up a bit by checking out new dating sites to try.  The search for the ideal site that I like/can get decent dates from/not receive ridiculous idiotic messages on, continues. First up in 2012 is (drum roll…) DoingSomething.co.uk.

DoingSomething is actually a pretty cool looking site. It’s colourful, vibrant and fun plus I love the way it talks to me in a down-to-earth friendly tone of voice. The site is based on the idea that dating can be awkward and a bit dull – it’s always the same old, let’s go for a drink in a bar type thing. The goal is  to change this  by encouraging people to meet up and literally do something together – go for a scenic walk, attend a wine tasting class, go to a comedy show etc. Nice concept, right?

Unfortunately, nice concept aside, it’s not going too well so far. My first thoughts include;

• There doesn’t seem to be too many guys. I keep seeing the same profiles over and over again. Literally every time I log in I see the same faces as before
• There are lots of guys who haven’t updated their profile in ages - each person’s profile contains a selection of date ideas and the plan is that you find someone who likes to do the same things you do. Problem is, I keep coming across profiles  with date suggestions that haven’t been updated in 2/3 months. Doesn’t necessarily mean the guy hasn’t logged on, but it sure does makes the profile look inactive
• You can’t see when others are online. It leaves you wondering if anyone is actually out there. It feels like a solitary experience and not very interactive at all, speaking of which…
• I set up my profile a little over a month go and so far I’m averaging one view a week.  Not that I’m big headed, but only five views in five weeks? But honestly, is anyone actually out there??
• It doesn’t automatically remember my search settings. Every time I log in I have to specify what I’m looking for. The search function always resets itself to ‘women between the age of 18 to 18′ which has already led to some embarrassing mistakes -

I may, or may not, have accidentally searched for women...

I’ll keep plodding on because I’m keen to see how it goes. I plan to do another review in a month or so and hopefully by then I’ll have more positives to share.

Until then… watch this space!

About Natalie. I’ve known her via Twitter for a little while now and I have also met her twice in real life. I can honestly say that not only is this woman an absolute sweetheart, but she is also extremely wise. I don’t know how’s she done it, but Natalie has taken her personal experiences and observations and parlayed them into a full time job AND a book deal to boot!

If you haven’t checked out the Baggage Reclaim website, you don’t follow Natalie on Twitter or haven’t even seen her pearls of wisdom about “assclowns” (her word, not mine) when she comments on my blog posts please do have a read of a few of my favourite excerpts from her first published (there have been ebooks previously) book – Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl.

“While I’ve educated many thousands of people on the perils of unavailable relationships and what healthy, committed relationships look like, this is also a journey in recognising that if you can’t date with your self-esteem in tow, you need to stop dating until you can. Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl will help you to stop being a passenger in shady, depleting relationships and stop treating these broken men like they’re messiahs while you’re someone who has to clamour around them for crumbs of attention, affection, and hints of commitment. These crumbs don’t become loaves and will leave you hungry for a real relationship. I want you to read this book and recognise that you need the loaf, a whole load and nothing but the loaf.

Pursuing or having relationships with Mr Unavailable is symbolic of your need to learn to love yourself more and to set some boundaries and have better standards.”

Reading this book often left me wondering if Natalie has been secretly spying on me. Like, HOW DOES SHE KNOW?

Another section of the book that hits a more than a little too close to home were the parts where she talks about ‘Future Fakers’  and ‘Fast Forwarders’. Remember ‘The One I Thought Could Be The One’ trilogy? Classic case of me falling for a future faker/fast forwarder. Problem is, I’ve dated more of those guys than I’d like to admit.

Future Faker definition: “A Future Faker, via actions and words, gives you the impression of a future so that they can get what they want in the present. The make veiled or even direct references to things like marriage, babies, moving in together, going on holiday, being together the following year and other such things that imply that you’re a part of their life.”

Fast Forwarder definition: “Fast Forwarding in itself is a form of Future Faking and it refers to when someone sweeps you up in a tide of intensity

Pick up a copy of Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl by Natalie Lue  on Amazon.co.uk

The beginning of 2011 was blog-tastic!

As far as blogging goes, 2011 has been a funny old year for me. It got off to a very strong start, with me making a list of dating-related new year resolutions and then getting stuck straight in by going to a singles party, signing up for a dating boot camp weekend and then inviting my international blogging buddies to help me celebrate the site’s one year anniversary with a week long series of guest posts.

However, a violently strong love-hate relationship with online dating was spurred on by the idiots on Plenty of Fish and having to spend money on sites that couldn’t guarantee even one date. That, along with the fact I had dates with a weird stalker type, a guy who nearly proposed on the first date (well not really, but kinda) and a guy who seemed lovely and keen before flaking out on me after two really good dates, made me feel that my dating life had pretty much gone to pot.

I decided a dating break was in order but vowed that I’d still keep on blogging nonetheless. I was unsuccessful in my promise to keep up the blogging because being freed of the pressure to date, I easily got caught up in enjoying life outside of the blogosphere and enjoyed trips to New York, Paris and Madrid, all the while taking big steps in my career and also bettering myself by seeing a counsellor.

It’s definitely been an interesting year but if I’m honest, I am hoping that 2012 will be much better – in terms of my love life anyway. However, to continue the tradition I started last year and to celebrate the arrival of a brand new year here is a look at the top ten most popular The Single Filez posts from 2011:

1 – Deuces! Time To Say Goodbye To POF
March 2011

2 – How To Kill A Relationship Before It Even Starts
April 2011

3 – Steve Harvey’s ‘Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man’
April 2011

4 - Stuck In The Friend Zone
April 2011

5 – Fool Me Once… Shame On You
August 2011

6 – Coming On Too Strong Too Soon
May 2011

7 – Taking A Break From Dating: One Girls’ Story
August 2011

8 – 20 Awesome Things About Me
March 2011

9 – Does Height Matter?
January 2011

10 – A Chat With… Paul C. Brunson
September 2011

Admittedly, I doctored the list a little bit, mainly because a few blog posts from 2010 were still amongst the highest ranking ones in 2011. Anyhooo – to my long-time readers, thanks for sticking with me. I hate that I was so inconsistent with the blogging in 2011, but I’m sure you all understand that being a dating machine for the sake of content isn’t good for the soul. At least, not when you’re serious about really wanting to find someone special, anyway! For the newer readers, I hope you continue to hang around. I have my fingers crossed that things will get much better next year…

Happy new year, guys! Wishing you all love, health, happiness and the best of absolutely everything in 2012!

We don’t have the added stress of worrying what to buy for our ‘other half’

As if buying presents for family wasn’t already demanding enough, having to pour over what would be the ideal present for someone you’ve only been dating for a short while is extremely painful.  Cue the whole “but if I buy him this, he’ll think I’m being too serious”, “what’s the reasonable about to spend on a guy I’ve only been seeing for a little while” dilemma. Plus, the money we save  can be used to splurge on ourselves. We’re single and we’re allowed to be selfish, goddammit!

We don’t have to argue about whose family we’re going to spend Christmas day with

For those who have been with their significant other for a much longer time, each year brings about the question – whose family shall we spend Christmas day with? I’ve seen it happen within my own extended family and I’ve heard my friends go through it too. Personally, it’s not something I’ve ever had to deal with but I’ve heard on the grapevine that being forced to spend Christmas with the in-laws isn’t a very pleasant thing. Us singletons should consider ourselves lucky we don’t have to go out of our way to be extra nice to the mother, father, brother and sister of a spouse.

We don’t have as much slaving away in the kitchen to do

For those who are staying at home for the special day, remember that most smug married ladies are glued to the kitchen preparing Christmas day feasts.  Or, like me, Mum or Grandma pride themselves on taking care of the dinner duty. If we really wanted to, us singletons could spend the whole morning gorging on Baileys, cookies and ice cream in our PJs if we want to. Take it easy, indulge!

We can stay out as late as we like

Tis the season to be jolly! Tis also the season to get our party on. For those of us with no responsibilities – we can stay out as long as we like without answering to anyone and we don’t have to worry about babysitters either. It’s a great time to mingle and be sure to go out armed with mistletoe… ya never know, who you might meet at one of these Christmas parties, eh?

I know that for many, being single at Christmas can be particularly difficult, but I say just be sure to make sure you enjoy it. Being single allows us to be selfish. Being single allows us to do things the way that we want to. Enjoy that as much as possible and know that it won’t last forever. Some day you’ll experience the highs and lows of being loved up at Christmastime but, for now, take advantage of being able to enjoy the festive season with your friends and with your family in your own special way.

Wishing you all a very merry christmas and all the best for the new year!

Smooches,

The Single Filez

(Disclaimer: this post isn’t anti – those with other halves and children, it’s more about uplifting my fellow singletons. “Smug marrieds”, you do your thang! )