The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

I knew that last week Friday’s date with T.B., was going to be a hard act to follow but with other dates already in the diary, I had to keep on keeping on. After my first date with The Chatty Policeman I hadn’t planned on going out of my way to see him again but, he had other plans. He kept the text conversations going and, bless his heart, he surprised the hell out of me with a lovely text message on my birthday. He wanted me to let him know when I was free so that he could take me for a birthday meal. That’s how our dinner date last Tuesday came about.

So, here’s the thing. The Chatty Policeman is sweet and he proved with the birthday text that he is thoughtful too. But I can’t get around the fact that there was a reason I was ready to write him off after one coffee date. That reason was that he didn’t ‘do it’ for me. I didn’t feel excited about him. You usually just ‘know’ about these things, don’t you?

Problem is, on our second date, he said that he’d told his Mum about me (huh? what? already?) and then when I got home he text me saying he’d like to see me again soon. Oh dear.

Courtesy of @YourTango – How Do You Let Someone Know You Don’t Want A Second Date? (or in my case, third)  http://su.pr/2Ne33A

Courtesy of @DateHaterBlog – How To Break Up With Someone (not quite the same, but the advice is still relevant)  http://bit.ly/b89sXP

I’m not the best when it comes to letting someone know I’m not interested. This is mainly because I don’t like knowing I’ve made someone feel hurt but, also because since reading up on ‘Mr Good Enough‘ and deciding that I need to ‘date outside of my type‘, there is a part of me that thinks maybe I need to give these things a chance. What if something were to ‘click’ further down the road and he ends up being ‘the one’? I sometimes think I’ve dismissed too many perfectly nice guys in the past all because I don’t feel instant chemistry. Because I don’t get butterflies in my stomach. That’s what I want. That’s still what I’m looking for. I’m more than happy with the idea of ‘Mr Good Enough’, I mean, who really wants a ‘Mr Perfect’ anyway? But is it wrong that I still want a little bit of the fairytale feeling? Can I be blamed for still wanting the fireworks with my Mr Good Enough?

Do I keep dating him, or not? My sister says I should. In case he grows on me, in case something changes that causes me to see The Chatty Policeman in a different light. But is that fair on him? Won’t I just end up going down the exact same route I went down with Older Guy?

Oh and I still haven’t replied to his text yet, HELP!

This year hasn’t been too great for me as far as dates have been concerned. There was Lovestruck Guy, who I met at a singles event and went out with just once before he turned into a weird-ass Bug A Boo.  There was also the guy my friend set me up with, who was nice enough but acted like one date was the equivalent to us having already been together for one year. When he tried to put one of my rings on my wedding finger, I knew I was entering into stage five clinger territory and couldn’t get him out of there fast enough.

With those recent experiences under my belt, you can totally understand me not having the desire (or energy) to date for awhile. However, as mentioned in my last  couple of blog posts, I’m feeling refreshed and raring to go again.  Here’s the first date of (hopefully) many in summer 2011…

Who Is He?

On his Plenty of Fish profile it says he’s in the Emergency Services but it wasn’t until we’d been speaking for day or two that I found out he was actually a Fireman. Cue a friend calling him “The Emergency Servicer” because boy, I need servicing and yes it’s getting to the emergency stage too (ahem).

Although The Emergency Servicer is a genius name, I think for the sake of the blog, I’ll stick to calling him “The Fireman”.

The Positives

- Via our online conversations we discovered that we had music taste in common. It may not sound like a big deal, but the fact I don’t often come across white guys who are into (or even know about) Chico Debarge, Joe, Floetry and Musiq Soulchild – he stood out right away.

- He likes to travel too. Lucky bastard is off to Las Vegas next month and then Jamaica in September.

The Negatives

- I was attracted to The Fireman in his main profile pic. The other five, not so much. (Don’t you hate when that happens?)

- He’s divorced. Not the end of the world, but still a new one for me.

The Date

The actual date was nice enough. We met for a drink at a local bar. Conversation was good. We had things in common. Apart from the fact that from the very moment we met he kept touching me, it was quite an enjoyable  couple of hours.

Sidenote: I absolutely love being touchy feely with a guy when I’m seeing him BUT I’m precious about my personal space when I don’t know someone. Don’t even get me started about how I feel about strangers touching me on public transport!

Overall, The Fireman was nice but for some annoying reason, I just didn’t feel excited about him. I’ll hang out with him again (he’s already asked) because I didn’t hate his company and because a second date is  always a good idea to be sure, right?

P.S. The reason this post took so long to write was simply because I didn’t feel motivated. It’s the same thing over and over again. Either I go on dates and the guys are complete and utter weirdos/morons OR I go on dates and they’re nice enough but don’t get me excited. I’m bored of it now. I’m wondering how long I can keep doing this and not meet anyone with potential? Someone I can get excited about. This used to happen but it hasn’t happened to me since I started blogging. A coincidence?

Tags: Dating Websites, General Dating, Online Dating, Plenty Of Fish, Singles

Following on from my blog post about how ‘off’ my bullshit radar is’, it turns out that I really need to stay strong and listen to my gut instinct. Usually the first feeling I get about someone is the right one. No matter how many ‘chances’ I want to give someone, they very rarely surprise me.

Despite blogging about my reservations, I went ahead and gave Fit Irish Guy another chance. I was annoyed when he pulled out of our date last weekend but I was pulled in again after he sent a text apologising for letting me down and explaining that he’d had a long week. He followed it up with another text saying that he’d like to meet up at some point if I wanted to try again. As mentioned previously, I always like to give people “a chance”. I mean, what if he really just wasnt feeling well before? What if he’s a great guy and I just need to meet him to see that? It was worth another go, right?

So I said that if he was sure he really wanted to do this, then yes I’d be up for trying again. He assured me that he wouldn’t have suggested meeting if he didn’t really want to meet me. Fair enough, a very good point (or so I thought). He asked where I worked and suggested we do a lunch date this time around. Sounded good to me.

I was already skeptical on date day but I didn’t think that he would flake out again, not after last time. But, thats exactly what he did! He called me 45 minutes before we were due to meet (the first time we’d ever spoken on the phone by the way) to tell me he was running late and could we put lunch back another 30 minutes. That’s fine, I actually appreciated him calling to say he was going to be late (FYI fellas, we always prefer to know this in advance rather than being left to wait at the meeting place, alone) plus I had work to do so I didn’t mind sticking around in the office a little bit longer. What really got to me was then receiving a text from him 20 minutes before our new meeting time to say that he was having a nightmare and could we put lunch back another 30minutes? At this point, not only am I starving but I’m in disbelief, what is it with this guy??  I was waiting for someone to jump out of the shadows to tell me that I’ve been punked. Was he doing this as a prank, he must have been doing this for a joke, right?

I told him that I couldn’t do lunch at that particular time as I had a meeting (he’s a teacher and was on half term school holiday, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have work to do!) and that on top of that I was now starving. I put him out of his misery and told him we should probably just leave it.

Thats it now. Fit Irish Guy is out of the game. First impressions count for a hell of a lot in the dating game and if he’s already shown me that he’s a time-wasting-jerk before we’ve even met, so I now refuse to waste another minute of my time on him. Two strikes and you’re out mate!

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Tags: General Dating, Online Dating

Have you thought about stopping writing the blog? If the blog was the reason for dating, what was the reason for the blog? Maybe blog about something else for a while?

Last week my Twitter bud Dan Austin ask me the questions above. After my most recent negative dating experience, I guess I’ve made it more than a little bit obvious that I’m not feeling too positive about dating right now.

Since my experience with East End Boy confirmed that I am stuck in a merry-go-round of being attracted to emotionally unavailable men, I can’t help wondering if there is any point in me dating. Rather than date guys for the sake of it, I think I need to take a step back and try figure out exactly why this pattern keeps occurring.

So, in answer to Dan’s questions above –  yes I have thought about stopping the blog. And yes, the blog was the reason for me pushing myself to date but the actual reason for my starting the blog was to have fun while getting myself back ‘out there’. The story goes…. I had given up on trying to find someone special and was living a happily single life, but through a work-related project I had the opportunity to speak with a dating expert and a life coach. The advice I received was helpful, but one thing that stuck in my mind was that I shouldn’t give up. I had to keep trying. I was reminded that when looking for a job, you don’t give up after the first rejection – you keep scouring job ads, you keep applying, you keep going for interviews and you stick at it – that was how I needed to approach dating. I was told that I had to be in it to win it. I was told that I should take the seriousness out of it and make it more fun. It was suggested that I should write a diary or even a blog. So hey, here I am.

The amazing thing. It’s been more about taking the seriousness out of dating. It’s given me the opportunity to learn more about myself and to look at how I can make things better. It’s given me a chance to become a part of an online community. I’ve met and become friends with people that I never otherwise would’ve gotten to meet. Blogging has become quite a big part of my life, and I don’t want it to stop. However, I’ve been thinking about how can I continue to be a dating blogger but without actually doing the ‘dating’ part?

In true ‘I’m addicted to the online community’ style, I asked the question on my Facebook page. A lovely lady called Adrien Bowman replied, ” You are still single… and that includes more than dating” and you know what? She’s completely right! From now on, I’m a ‘single blogger’ and not just a ‘dating blogger’. There’s so much more to me than just dating, don’t ya know

Therefore, the blog tagline has changed from ‘Dating in the beautiful city of London, it ain’t easy‘ to ‘Being single in the beautiful city of London, it ain’t easy‘. Still me, but with a slightly different flava…

Tags: General Dating, The Single Filez

I’m not unattractive. Then again, I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it. I do admit I am hugely biased, but I happen to think I’m far from ugly. Unfortunately though, thanks to this dating malarkey, my confidence has been shot to hell. Over the past nine months I’ve been dating like a mofo and I’ve been putting myself  ’out there’ more than I normally would but apart from a few entertaining disastrous stories to share at dinner parties, I haven’t seen any substantial fruits of my labour. Why is it so bloody hard for me when it comes to these things? If I’m pimping myself out so much then why aren’t I seeing results?

For instance, I have a friend whose long term relationship came to an end a month or so after I starting blogging and even though she hasn’t joined any dating sites, or put herself out there on a serious level, she’s still seen way more action than I have. She’s actually been seeing a guy for the past few months now. This is the norm for me. I always see people break up and get into brand new relationships (my parents included), all while I stay single. It just doesn’t happen for me like it happens for other people. Maybe it helps that my friend is  the type guys stop driving down the road to speak to. It’s amazing to see the amount of heads that turn when she walks down Oxford Street. But, that’s not me, I’m not that chick. Even less so when walking down the street with my friend, haha!

Remember my ‘Pretty, Sexy or Cute‘ post from last year? Well, I’m that cute chick. I’m petite, youthful- looking and have a great smile (so I’ve been told). I’m likeable, smiley, friendly, (relatively) sensible. Guys like me as a sister. I’m that friend they want to protect and look after. I’m not the glitterous, glamorous sort of chick that stands out in a crowded club or bar. I’m not that crazy hot, edgy, sexy, flirty, uber-confident type with the ‘I know I’m a bad bitch’ attitude. No matter how many times I’ve admired that chick or even wanted to be that type of chick, I never have been.

On the positive side, my looks are a blessing in a different way. My Mum, at 53,  is always mistaken for being my sister and people often don’t believe she has a 34 year old daughter. We even share our clothes and shoes. I have those genes, so I know that one day my ‘cuteness’ will work in my favour. Until then, all I can do is work with what I’ve got and hope that one day (soon) I find a man who is on the lookout for that cute cute chick with the great smile and a whole lot of other stuff going for her *wink*. Anyway, I’m stunning in my own way… my Dad says so!

(Strangely enough, the same day I wrote this post, rapper Fabolous starting tweeting about the very same subject, except he put it way more ‘eloquently’ than I ever could… ahem.)

Tags: General Dating, Men, Single woman