Look up celibacy in the dictionary and you will see a photo of me looking right back at you. Big cheesy smile and everything. The Webster’s Dictionary definition of celibate is 1: an unmarried status. 2: abstaining from sexual relations. So, yep, I’m totally there on both counts.
Apparently I’m in good company because it seems the likes of Lady Gaga, Lenny Kravitz, Peter Andre, Britney Spears and Colin Farrell consider themselves celibate too. I should make it clear, I’m not complaining about my current status because I know it’s own choice. I know that, at the end of the day, if I really and truly just wanted to have sex I could go and find a willing participant in a club, bar, outside of my local KFC or by using the safest option – browsing through my Facebook friends list.
But, that’s not my style at all. I’m not sure if it means I’m part of an endangered species but, I’m someone who believes sex means more than that. Call it a bit of the ‘Charlotte York syndrome’ if you must but, I’m definitely a little ‘traditional’ when it comes to sex. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying that I want to wait to be married before I next knock boots with a guy (No Siree!) but what I am saying is that it’s gotta mean something. We don’t necessarily have to be deeply in love or anything but I’d prefer not to have to be chucking some random Tom, Dick or Harry out of bed halfway through the night because I can’t stand to see the sight of him.
Last year’s summer flings in Barbados aside, the only men I’ve had sex with have been guys I thought were going to be around for awhile. Guys, who at the time, I was seeing and generally spending lots of time with. On each occasion I thought it was going to be something that lasted, but it never did. More fool me, it was never more than a few months before something went wrong. So what has emerged from those experiences is a 33 year old who has never known what it’s like to experience sex within a long-term relationship.
I manage to get some here and sometimes get some there but mostly there tends to be a reeeeeaaaally long time in between hits. I’m talking 2 years and 7 months at the longest point (yikes!). I’m currently standing at 1 year and 3 weeks; is that long enough to call myself celibate? I think so. If not, surely I have the right to call myself a ‘born again virgin’?
Oh and I’ve never had a fuck buddy either. Never been in one of those ‘friends with benefits’ situations. I mean, sure, I have had a couple of ‘FWB’ offers over the years but I’ve never taken anyone up on it. I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea. Sheesh, maybe I’m actually more like Charlotte York than I’d like to admit?
“How can a person have really hot s-e-x with someone they don’t even like?” Charlotte York, Sex And The City, 2002.
What are your thoughts? Am I missing out? Please do share your fuck buddy stories with me. Let me know, should I get with the ‘FWB programme’ or continue working on the great relationship I already have with my Rabbit? (PS – Can I still call myself celibate if I have sex with a rabbit? Answers on a postcard….)