The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

It’s no secret that I’m a huge big New-York-ophile. (What? If you can be an ‘Anglo-phile’ then surely you can be a ‘New-York-ophile too, right?)  I’ve previously blogged about the many ways I Heart New York and here I am writing about The Big Apple yet again except this time I’m taking a look back at the things I learnt on my most recent trip.

Location is everything

I’d always done the typical tourist thing – staying in hotels slap bang in the middle of everything. The buzz you get from looking out of your room window and seeing the Empire State Building is unreal, trust me. Anyhoo, this time around I decided I want to live the life of a ‘real New Yorker’ so I rented a gorgeous studio apartment instead. Except… the apartment was in East Harlem. I mean no offence to anyone who may live in East Harlem, but let’s just say… you don’t have much eye-candy going on do ya? If  tattoos on necks and trousers so low you see butts & boxers do it for you then yeah, sure. But for me, who likes a man to look a little cleaner and smarter, hmmm not so much. Guess who will be staying back downtown on her next trip to NYC?

I’m ballsy, but I’m not that ballsy

As mentioned in my last post, although I’m not ballsy enough to make eyes at a cute  guy I see out, I am ballsy enough to up-sticks and travel across the Atlantic ocean for 10 nights in a foreign country all on my lonesome. However despite plenty of people telling me I do should it and despite a part of me actually wanting to do it – I totally chickened out of going to a New York bar on my own. Going to breakfast, lunch or dinner solo I can do no problem. Walking into a packed bar at night-time to drink a cocktail or glass of wine? Urgh. For some reason the idea fills me with dread. So yep, I’m a big fat non-balls-having wuss.

Being single in New York, rocks!

Being single in New York seems waaahay more exciting. I met up with lots of awesome NYC bloggers/tweeters while I was out there and they made me realise they all have so much more going on that I do.  They actually date. More than one person in some cases. They take guys home from bars, they kick guys out of bed, they have exciting text conversations with guys they meet at the beach, they go to ‘bring a single friend of the opposite sex’ parties, they date guys they meet at work. Me, I have nothing going on. Nada. Zilch.  I get the distinct feeling I’d have a better time being single out there than I do here in London, *sigh*.

I need to make the move, and soon

I’ve played with the idea for a long time now but this trip convinced me that I need to experience living in New York. Whether it’s for 6 months or for 6 years, this is something I need to make happen. I don’t want to get to 80 years old and look back on my life with sad regret. I mean jeez, who else would get emotional while hearing Jay-Z & Alicia Key’s ‘Empire State of Mind’ on her last night in New York, other than someone who is meant to live there? (Disclaimer: there is a huge chance the emotion was brought on by the many margaritas on the rocks I consumed, but hey…)

So, this is the deal – I need a job, a sponsor,  a work permit/visa or  even just a New Yorker willing to marry me. Any offers?

Tags: General Dating, New York, Singles

Look up celibacy in the dictionary and you will see a photo of me looking right back at you. Big cheesy smile and everything. The Webster’s Dictionary definition of celibate is 1: an unmarried status. 2: abstaining from sexual relations. So, yep, I’m totally there on both counts.

Apparently I’m in good company because it seems the likes of  Lady Gaga, Lenny Kravitz, Peter Andre, Britney Spears and Colin Farrell consider themselves celibate too. I should make it clear, I’m not complaining about my current status because I know it’s own choice. I know that, at the end of the day, if  I really and truly just wanted to have sex I could go and find a willing participant in a club, bar, outside of my local KFC or by using the safest option – browsing through my Facebook friends list.

But, that’s not my style at all. I’m not sure if it means I’m part of an endangered species but, I’m someone who believes sex means more than that. Call it a bit of the ‘Charlotte York syndrome’ if you must but, I’m definitely a little ‘traditional’ when it comes to sex. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying that I want to wait to be married before I next knock boots with a guy (No Siree!) but what I am saying is that it’s gotta mean something. We don’t necessarily have to be deeply in love or anything but I’d prefer not to have to be chucking some random Tom, Dick or Harry out of bed halfway through the night because I can’t stand to see the sight of him.

Last year’s summer flings in Barbados aside, the only men I’ve had sex with have been guys I thought were going to be around for awhile. Guys, who at the time, I was seeing and generally spending lots of time with. On each occasion I thought it was going to be something that lasted, but it never did. More fool me, it was never more than a few months before something went wrong. So what has emerged from those experiences is a 33 year old who has never known what it’s like to experience sex within a long-term relationship.

I manage to get some here and sometimes get some there but mostly there tends to be a reeeeeaaaally long time in between hits. I’m talking 2 years and 7 months at the longest point (yikes!). I’m currently standing at 1 year and 3 weeks; is that long enough to call myself celibate? I think so. If not, surely I have the right to call myself a ‘born again virgin’?

Oh and I’ve never had a fuck buddy either. Never been in one of those ‘friends with benefits’ situations. I mean, sure, I have had a couple of ‘FWB’ offers over the years but I’ve never taken anyone up on it. I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea. Sheesh, maybe I’m actually more like Charlotte York than I’d like to admit?

“How can a person have really hot s-e-x with someone they don’t even like?”  Charlotte York, Sex And The City, 2002.

What are your thoughts? Am I missing out? Please do share your fuck buddy stories with me. Let me know, should I get with the ‘FWB programme’ or continue working on the great relationship I already have with my Rabbit? (PS – Can I still call myself celibate if I have sex with a rabbit? Answers on a postcard….)

Tags: Celibacy, Holiday romance, Relationships, Sex, Sex And The City, Singles

Slightly off topic I know, but, HAPPY MONTHIVERSARY to meeee! Ignoring the few random posts I did last year, The Single Filez  blog didn’t really and truly kick off until exactly a month ago along with my Twitter page and, what a month it’s been eh? Ok, admittedly, I still haven’t been on a date yet (and that is kinda the whole point) BUT I have been exposed to a whole new ‘world of dating’ that I didn’t know existed. Thanks to Twitter I’ve discovered lots of interesting, funny, sweet like-minded people many of whom are in the same boat as me. Also, I went a singles event courtesy of Sitting In A Tree and just yesterday I was included in We Love Dates Top Dating Bloggers on Twitter List (click here to see the list). Not bad for a month’s worth of work eh? Now, all I need are some actual dates!

So, back to the matter at hand, this week’s dating update. Obviously, there’s the date with the 25 year old (see Friday’s post to do some swotting up), but even this is proving to be a pain. We haven’t managed to put a date in the diary yet, he lives and works in Basingstoke and only comes to London on the weekends but is busy for the next couple of weekends…. blah blah blah. I found myself losing interest with each text message. Too much hard bloody work! When/if he feels he can slot me in, we’ll take it from there.

Other than that, I’ve got a few conversations happening over at Plenty of Fish and I’ve revived my DatingDirect.com membership so have a few conversations going on over there too.

A bit bored of all this talking online to be honest. I’ve licked all my wounds from last year’s dating disasters and now I’m finally ready to dip my toes back into the dating pool. Question is, do I just do ahead and accept date offers from guys I’m not initially attracted to? I need content for this blog godammit!

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking of  just lining up dates specifically so that I can blog about them. It’ll be fun,  right?  It’ll give me stories to share, it might open me  up to guys I wouldn’t normal consider AND who knows… I might find Mr Right in the process? What do you think? A good idea? Too harsh? Should I just be more patient? Please do comment share your thoughts…

Tags: General Dating, Online Dating, Relationships, Singles

I love reading blogs. Sometimes they make me smile, sometimes they make me laugh out loud. Others have me nodding my head along in agreement (or shaking it in disagreement) but last night… last night I read a blog post that summed up EXACTLY how I’m feeling at the moment. It was so spot on that it actually shook me up. A bit of a realisation, if you will.

Yesterday Jess at City Girls World, a US based blog I discovered thanks to Twitter, posted a piece entitled “Are You Lonely?”.  Normally I’d say”Lonely? I’m out with friends most evenings” or “Lonely? I love getting cosy on my sofa with a good DVD all on my lonesome”.  But after reading the post, I feel like saying it out loud  “Fuck it. So what.  I admit it. While I do love my me-time,  at the same time I am as lonely as hell too”.

I’m not online dating at the mo. I threw in the towel on the MySingleFriend.com 10 Day Test once I found out it involved messaging ten guys a day for ten days. 100 guys? If you’ve ever used a dating website you will know that coming across 100 guys you would actually WANT to date is impossible.  You’re usually lucky if you come across five. Online dating is pretty much the same as searching for a needle in a haystack… bloody difficult.

On top of that, I’ve been feeling so ‘meh’ about dating recently that until seeing the post on City Girls World, I haven’t even felt inspired to blog. I’ve been busy doing great things in my career and busy planning a trip to Toronto, but the whole dating thing? I’m not feeling it at the moment, so please do excuse bear with me, I’m sure I’ll get my mojo back sometime soon.

Until then, my favourite part of  ”Are You Lonely”…

You can be a strong, independent and fulfilled woman. And you can feel lonely without love in your life. Embrace that feeling too, the loneliness, because if you cannot admit to what is missing in your life, you are very unlikely to find it.

It’s ok to want love, to hope for it, and to seek it out. And it’s ok to feel lonely and frustrated while you wait for it.

Yes I may have a great social life, yes I may own my own flat, yes I may jet off on holiday whenever I can. I do have fun, I do enjoy a busy, fulfilling life. But, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel lonely. It doesn’t mean I don’t wonder if this is how it’s going to be for me, forever and ever…

To see the article in full, head on over to www.citygirlsworld.com, say Hi to Christie and Jess and tell ‘em I sent ya.

Tags: City Girls World, General Dating, Relationships, Singles

When you’ve been single for awhile (or forever, in my case) it’s extremely easy to have very low self-esteem. It’s easy to come to the conclusion that something is wrong with you. It almost makes sense for you to think you’re not good enough because everyone else around you – siblings, parents, cousins and friends – can find people who want to be in a relationship with them, but you never can. It doesn’t matter how many people say you have a stunning smile if  you’ve never been able to keep a guy interested in you for more than a few months at a time. So, yup, low self-esteem is inevitable.

Not too long ago I was on Twitter and I came across a few tweets that made me sit up and take notice. It felt as though The Dating Optimist‘s tweets were directly aimed at me:

“Do what you need to remind yourself why you’re awesome. If YOU think you’re worth dating, others will think so too.”

“The BIG advice: Write a list of 50 things awesome about you: What you know, what you can cook, jokes you tell well, how big your heart is…”

So I decided I should write a list to remind myself exactly why I’m awesome. Not a list of 50 things because that’s way too much and I can’t even think of 50 things. Also, wouldn’t 50 things would be an absolute snoozefest of a blog post? Anyhoo, with that in mind, here are 20 things that are awesome about me:

1. My lips – full, juicy and all kinds of amazeballs when plastered with MAC lipglass
2. My boobs – they’re full and juicy too*wink*
3. My smile – this is the one that I get told over and over
4. My laugh – infectious
5. My warm and welcoming personality – what can I say? I’m a people person
6. My sense of adventure – open to new experiences, I’ll try most things
7. My ability to always try to look on the bright side – I did say, try
8. I’m independent – I don’t let being alone stop me from doing anything
9. My love of travel – I get itchy feet if I don’t have a flight booked
10. My love of food- I maybe small, but boy do I love my food. Definitely not a fussy eater
11. My ability to stay small even though I should be about three sizes bigger – see #10
12. My fierce sense of loyalty – don’t mess with my close friends and family!
13. I’m brave and courageous – more than I give myself credit for
14. I’m great at keeping secrets – I’m a Scorpio, we’re secretive by nature
15. My sense of humour – when I’m comfortable with someone, I can be a right silly cow. I love to laugh
16. My sense of determination – once I have a goal set, I will always work my hardest to achieve it
17. I can throw down in the kitchen – damn shame I’m the only one who gets to appreciate it
18. My long term friendships – I’ve lived in London for a long time, but I’m proud to say my best friends are still the ones from my hometown
19. My life achievements so far – I come from a single parent household, from a not too great area but now I’m in London, I own my own home, I have a great job and I take regular holidays. I do okay
20. My potential to be a great girlfriend – admittedly, I’ve not been able to prove this one yet, but I’m sure I’d be awesome!

Sometimes I forget that I actually have plenty of reasons to be proud of myself. We covered this in the Get The Guy Women’s Weekend too, sounds cheesy I know, but I need to truly realise my own value and know that I am a person worthy of being loved. Thanks to the friends who helped me out with this one, you know who you are! And thanks to Dating Optimist (follow her on Twitter, here) for the pearls of wisdom!

ASSIGNMENT OPTIMISM: Remember that you are worth the good stuff. Great things should, can and WILL happen to you.

Tags: Dating Tips, Relationships