The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

When you’ve been single for awhile (or forever, in my case) it’s extremely easy to have very low self-esteem. It’s easy to come to the conclusion that something is wrong with you. It almost makes sense for you to think you’re not good enough because everyone else around you – siblings, parents, cousins and friends – can find people who want to be in a relationship with them, but you never can. It doesn’t matter how many people say you have a stunning smile if  you’ve never been able to keep a guy interested in you for more than a few months at a time. So, yup, low self-esteem is inevitable.

Not too long ago I was on Twitter and I came across a few tweets that made me sit up and take notice. It felt as though The Dating Optimist‘s tweets were directly aimed at me:

“Do what you need to remind yourself why you’re awesome. If YOU think you’re worth dating, others will think so too.”

“The BIG advice: Write a list of 50 things awesome about you: What you know, what you can cook, jokes you tell well, how big your heart is…”

So I decided I should write a list to remind myself exactly why I’m awesome. Not a list of 50 things because that’s way too much and I can’t even think of 50 things. Also, wouldn’t 50 things would be an absolute snoozefest of a blog post? Anyhoo, with that in mind, here are 20 things that are awesome about me:

1. My lips – full, juicy and all kinds of amazeballs when plastered with MAC lipglass
2. My boobs – they’re full and juicy too*wink*
3. My smile – this is the one that I get told over and over
4. My laugh – infectious
5. My warm and welcoming personality – what can I say? I’m a people person
6. My sense of adventure – open to new experiences, I’ll try most things
7. My ability to always try to look on the bright side – I did say, try
8. I’m independent – I don’t let being alone stop me from doing anything
9. My love of travel – I get itchy feet if I don’t have a flight booked
10. My love of food- I maybe small, but boy do I love my food. Definitely not a fussy eater
11. My ability to stay small even though I should be about three sizes bigger – see #10
12. My fierce sense of loyalty – don’t mess with my close friends and family!
13. I’m brave and courageous – more than I give myself credit for
14. I’m great at keeping secrets – I’m a Scorpio, we’re secretive by nature
15. My sense of humour – when I’m comfortable with someone, I can be a right silly cow. I love to laugh
16. My sense of determination – once I have a goal set, I will always work my hardest to achieve it
17. I can throw down in the kitchen – damn shame I’m the only one who gets to appreciate it
18. My long term friendships – I’ve lived in London for a long time, but I’m proud to say my best friends are still the ones from my hometown
19. My life achievements so far – I come from a single parent household, from a not too great area but now I’m in London, I own my own home, I have a great job and I take regular holidays. I do okay
20. My potential to be a great girlfriend – admittedly, I’ve not been able to prove this one yet, but I’m sure I’d be awesome!

Sometimes I forget that I actually have plenty of reasons to be proud of myself. We covered this in the Get The Guy Women’s Weekend too, sounds cheesy I know, but I need to truly realise my own value and know that I am a person worthy of being loved. Thanks to the friends who helped me out with this one, you know who you are! And thanks to Dating Optimist (follow her on Twitter, here) for the pearls of wisdom!

ASSIGNMENT OPTIMISM: Remember that you are worth the good stuff. Great things should, can and WILL happen to you.

Tags: Dating Tips, Relationships

No holiday romance for me…

Unfortunately there wasn’t enough time for any holiday romances whilst I was away on my solo adventure.  At least, that’s the excuse I’m using.  Five days in each country realistically isn’t enough time to have a hot love affair, is it? Despite my dreams of being approached by a Shemar Moore/Lance Gross/Common/David Beckham lookalike in some trendy Manhattan bar or restaurant, it really just wasn’t meant to be (sob!). Personally, I blame all of these New York based romantic comedies for misleading me.  Hitch, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Maid In Manhattan, Brown Sugar, Sex & The City, The Back-Up Plan – they all lied.  Where was my Will Smith, my Taye Diggs, my very own Alex O’Loughlin trying to steal my yellow taxi before sweeping me off of my feet huh? New York romantic comedy my ass.

LOVE in New York City (6th Ave & 55th St)

It really is a damn shame because ooooh child, the things the New York accent does to me. As I said in my tweet at the time the accent is so hot it can make practically any guy seem attractive. Phew! *Fans herself*

Although there were no hot dates or significant liaisons, I did have an absolute ball. I spoke to guys and yes there were a few interesting opportunities I could have taken advantage of, but didn’t.

New York City

These are the times I wish I was more brazen. Here I am, in one of my most favourite cities in the world all on my lonesome. I could’ve taken on any personality, I could’ve been anyone, I could have been ‘that chick’ who makes eye contact and flirts like crazy. But oh no, lil ol’ me decided to play it safe knowing being alone that if things went wrong I’d have no-one there to help. No-one to make sure I was safely tucked in my bed each night. No-one to make sure I hadn’t ended up face down in a ditch somewhere. Anyway, I digress. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t go all out with the guys because I was being sensible ol’ me. I received compliments, head nods, smiles and greetings every single day. What an appreciative bunch of fellas these New Yorkers are eh? It was lovely to be stopped and asked for my name and/or my contact details a good few times but sod’s law, why is it always that none of those guys were ever my cuppa tea?

I did see a good share of drop dead delicious guys in NYC but mostly I watched them from behind the safety of my shades. I know, what a cop-out. right? I can’t help it, I’m such a wuss when it comes to hot guys. There was one guy in particular  who left me speechless. Holy shit he was so unbelievably droolworthy! See tweets here and here.

The closest I came to any ‘action’ in New York was courtesy of my long distance friend and snogging partner from my last NY trip. Lets call him ‘Queens’, as that is where he is from after all. Queens and I met during my last trip to NY back in 2006 and we’ve kept in touch ever since. That’s the beauty of Facebook, MSN messenger and the odd phonecall eh? Anyway, on my last night in NY I hung out with Queens, a girl I assumed he was dating, (they were exchanging saliva at one point, so ummm…) and a girlfriend of mine. Can you believe Queens still had the cheek to invite himself back to my hotel room at the end of the night? After he’d taken his ‘friend’ home first, I might add. I so wasn’t about to let that happen, I mean what a lo-hoo-ser, and poor girl!

Barbados

For me personally, the New York boys win hands down. In terms of their approach (their accent) and their style (errr, yeah their accent) but strangely enough, it was the Bajan (Barbadian for those not in the know) boys who were more upfront and more eager to impress, sometimes in an almost more pushy sort of way. The men in Barbados are *very* friendly, to say the least. They like tourists, pretty ones in particular. It’s all a novelty to them. I find it really easy to be drawn in by all of the compliments and the attention being showered on you, especially when you don’t get that level of attention at home.

The difference is the New York guys say hi, they compliment and they may ask for a number but then they leave it at that. Whereas, the Bajan guys want to know your name, number, which hotel you’re staying at, what you’re doing that night and if they can be your companion for the rest of your trip.

Admittedly, I took full advantage of the attention and was a total slut on last years trip to Barbados (shhh, I deserved it, leave me alone) but that wasn’t something I wanted to repeat this year. Once again, being a solo traveller meant I was more sensible. I wasn’t out partying every night drinking heaps of Mount Gay Rum like I was last year so in comparison, I was extremely well behaved. Yes, there were ‘opportunities’ that came in the form of last year’s two summer flings (yes, two). It was lovely to see them and spend time hanging out with them but I dunno, maybe I just didn’t have enough rum flowing through my veins this time around.

So, lack of holiday romance behind me; I’m back home, back to reality and back on the (dating) case.

Tags: Barbados, Holiday romance, New York, Relationships