The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

Apologies for not being consistent with my blog posting. I know its not great but admittedly, I do this from time to time. I mostly do this when bored of ‘dating’ which, I guess doesn’t bode too well for someone who is a ‘dating blogger’. Sometimes I go quiet when my ‘real life’ is busy and I don’t have time to write.  Mostly I disappear when I’d had enough of trawling dating websites every day. Scratch that. It”s usually Plenty of Fish that’s to blame. That website drives me absolutely doolally but yet in some weird self-harming way, I’m totally addicted to it. It’s kinda sorta entertaining. It’s kinda sorta educational (in a ‘that’s-exactly-what-I-DON’T-want’ kind of way) but most of all, Plenty of Fish never fails to generate great blog content. I wouldn’t have been inspired to write past blog gems such as ‘I Am Not Interested‘ and ‘Messages on POF – So Bad They’re Good if it weren’t for PlentyofFish.com’.

I’ve been on Plenty of Fish for nearly a year now. Apart from sending crappy messages, dates and blog inspiration my way, what has it actually done for me? Nothing! Yes it is free, but like a lot of things in life, you get what you pay for. I pay nothing, I get nothing. Therefore I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to wean myself off of the site. So from today onwards, there will be no more POF related-content. It’s time for me to move onto new things and hopefully the results will be different.

So on that note, ladies and gents, for the last time I present to you yet another POF gem:

i love ur file honest, u r just like me. we are one of a kind. lol.

u and me together will blow the house down if we put together. doing our love thing..

i also love ur pic too so cuite.

i wish u was on now n chat 2 me.lol

i no we would make each other laugh or cry..lol

have a great day boo.

xx

stay bless always.

xxxxxx

Hmmm, such a sweet talker. You really can’t beat being told that you and a random guy will blow the house down doing your love thing. Yeah bye Plenty of Fish. It was fun while it lasted. Deuces!

Tags: Dating Websites, Online Dating, Plenty Of Fish, Singles

This is the first time that I’ve featured an interview on my blog, but it isn’t the first time that I’ve written about ‘the Modern Day Matchmaker’, Paul Carrick Brunson. I first wrote about Paul  back in July when I  said I’d do his ‘Summer Dating Challenge‘ (which, by the way, I failed at. Miserably) but I’ve been aware of him since I first discovered his work on Twitter earlier this year.

Paul first flew onto my radar thanks to his weekly Twitter matchmaking sessions.  On Wednesdays, he’d offer a date with one of his (usually male) clients to his thousands of Twitter followers. The followers interested in taking part would ask Paul questions about this client (“What does he do for a living?” “How long ago did his last relationship end?” “Who is his ideal woman, and why?”) and then Paul would answer questions using the #MDMW (Modern Day Matchmaker Wednesday) hashtag, so that everyone could track the conversation. After the Q&A’s are done and dusted, Paul would tweet a photo of his client and then go through his Twitter timeline for match requests. Considering how huge a country the US is, I haven’t quite figured out the logistics of how exactly these Twitter dates finally take place, but they do!

For Paul, who has been dubbed the ‘real life Hitch’ (and if you don’t know who Hitch is, shame on you) this isn’t just a hobby; this is how he makes a living. He is a certified life/relationship coach and he is also the founder of the ‘One Degree From Me’ matchmaking service. I’d hoped to be able to attend one of Paul’s regular ‘Flow Dating’ events while I was in New York City earlier this summer, but unfortunately the event took place the day after I left town, typical!

Flow Dating in NYC. I missed out on an event like this by just ONE day *sigh*

It’s not all bad though, because in two weeks time, Paul is coming over to London for his first ever UK based event. I thought what better excuse to get the know the man himself a little bit better? So here we go, the first ever (and possibly, only ever) interview on The Single Filez:

So, tell us the story; how did you first get into matchmaking? What were you doing beforehand? 

In 2008, my non-profit organization hosted a summer camp for low-income black youth in Washington DC. I was shocked to find out 100% of the students attending did not have two parents in their household. It was that moment that served as a catalyst for me to become a matchmaker.

What is your most successful matchmaking story so far?

In less than 3 years we already have 2 weddings credited, however, without question the most successful matchmaking story was between my wife and myself! That said, “success” is not always about weddings but relative to what the client desires. Often, clients approach with me with the desire to simply date more, or learn to flirt, or better control their body language.

You’ve been happily married to your beautiful wife for many years now. How does she feel about what you do for a living?

My wife has always been a strong supporter (one of the reasons I love her). After the success of my first year in business, she showed the ultimate form of support by leaving her employer and joining me full-time. My wife now manages the operations of our business.

How has social media changed what you do?

Social media has completely changed the landscape of dating and therefore dramatically impacted what I do. Web 2.0 tools allow me a platform to reach (and research) people in an unprecedented way.

You’re going to be hosting an event in London later this month – how did that come about?

I did an interview with the blog Ivymunro.com and that led to a friendship between myself and the founder (Tayo). After helping me see the parallels between the UK & US markets, Tayo proposed I host an event in London.

I’ve always been jealous of those who get involved in your #MDMW hook-ups on Twitter. Going forwards will Londoners (and others in the UK) be able to use your matchmaking services?

This was a surprise I was waiting to announce at the event but I’ll let your readers know first… YES, starting after the event, we will be providing both matchmaking and coaching services to the UK!!!

What’s next for you? Anything exciting lined up?

In just a few weeks, I will start a recurring role on a TV show called Dr. Drew’s LifeChangers. Also, before the end of the year, expect a BIG announcement about an expansion of the business.

And now, a cheeky personal question -  I’m 34 yrs old, attractive, single, hard-working, well-travelled and always up for fun but without realising it, it seems I’m always attracted to guys who are unemotionally available. These guys are always disguised in different packaging, so do you have any tips on common traits I should look out for? Is there anything I should be asking to find out from the get-go if a guy is going to be flakey?

Whenever I hear someone tell me they always attract the same type of guy, I immediately ask what the commonality is amongst how they met them. In this particular case, I would love to hear more about where and how you’re meeting these unemotionally available men – there most be a common thread. Remember that the only way to get different results is to change your process.

Tags: Dating events, Interview, Matchmaking, Modern Day Matchmaker, Paul Brunson, Singles, Speed Dating, Twitter

I’m back. I’m feeling refreshed. I’ve had a break. I’ve had a nice change of scenery. Most importantly, for the sake of this blog anyway,  I’ve not visited a dating website for over three weeks. Like Nina Simone said… “and I’m feeling good”.

Over the past few weeks, at the back of my mind all I’ve been thinking about is how keen I am to get back to blogging. Problem is, without the dating sites, what the hell do I have to blog about? I had been hoping there might’ve been some man-gossip to share from my trip abroad. But no. Out of my two weeks away, I only managed to spot two guys who looked even remotely interesting. One was with his girl, the other I saw when I was with my Dad. If there is one thing that can mess up your ‘hey, look at me I’m free for you to come over flirt and chat me up’ potential, it’s hanging out with your old man.

So yeah. Nothing juicy to share from my trip I’m afraid. The thing is I am still keen to date, but as mentioned in my last post ‘Blogging to Date or Dating To Blog’, I’d like to try and do it without the help of dating websites. But what does this mean? Does this mean I’ll have to be more proactive? Does this mean I’d have to be open to trying different things? Take up a new hobby? Go to singles events? Speed-dating, perhaps? Maybe I just need to remember the tips ‘Get The Guy’s’ Dating Expert Matthew Hussey taught me about how to flirt with guys I see out and about.

Either way, I need to be brave. I need to get myself out there. I mean, what’s the worse that can happen, right? If anything, at least it will get me a story to share with you guys. The words of my fellow blogger Something She Dated pop into my mind…

“And maybe he responds positively.  Maybe he responds negatively.  Maybe he never responds at all.  But the hilarity of it will never be lost on me.  And I hope it won’t be lost on you either.  And next time you’re afraid to do something ballsy.  Think of me.  Think of this blog.  And just do it.  Because worst case scenario.  It’ll give you a hilarious story.  And who doesn’t love a hilarious story?”

She’s a wise ol’ soul is Something She Dated. An awesome Canadian blogger-chick who I kinda sorta heart. She reminds me to have fun and to not always take things so seriously. I mean if she can spot a hot guy in the gym, do some detective work to find out who the hell he is, (stalk him) and find his Facebook profile AND send him a message, then I can do something simple like get out and make eye contact, smile and try to talk to some dudes, right?

Now all I need are the balls to actually do this…

Tags: General Dating, Get The Guy, Online Dating, Relationships, Singles, Speed Dating

In my last post I described my date, The Business Man, as ‘cute’. Not hot, not handsome, not sexy, but cute. It may sound patronising to some but that’s not how it’s meant. It’s just that for me, ‘cute’ is good-looking but in more of a sweet, adorable kind of way, not necessarily in an OMG-he’s-so-hot-I-can’t-stop-drooling kind of way.

I recently saw this article on Bossip which asks how a man decides if a woman is cute, pretty or sexy and although it was from a male point of view, I could totally relate to the things said. I agreed with their choices of Lauren London, Kelly Rowland and Kerry Washington too. All absolutely beautiful women but yet they without a doubt fall into the cute, pretty and sexy categories the author of the article put them into.

Here, just because I feel like it, are my own personal examples of cute, pretty and sexy:

CUTE

For me, these guys possess the ‘Awww’ factor. They make me smile, make me want to pull their cheeks and give them great big juicy hugs.

Will Smith

I absolutely adore this man. When he smiles, I smile. In my dreams, him and his wife are my best friends and they regularly invite me around for dinner. (No, seriously!)

Kevin Walker

Not the actor Matthew Rhys, but his Brothers & Sisters character Kevin Walker. I love him. He’s the epitome of a cute guy, I just want to squeeze him and his hubby Scottie too. Love, love, love.

Mase

I know rapper-come-Church-Pastors aren’t supposed be ‘cute’ but what can I say? Had a major crush on Mase back in the late 90′s – his dimples, his smile, his cheesy little dance moves – cute, cute, cute.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

I watched 500 Days of Summer last weekend and Joseph’s definitely not the cute little boy from 3rd Rock from the Sun anymore. He maybe all grown up now but as far as I’m concerned, he’s still got a youthful cuteness (and some Heath Ledger-ness, no?) about him.

PRETTY

The pretty boys: amazing facial features, perfect jawlines, symmetrical faces; these are the guys you’d have to fight with for mirror time in the mornings.

Zac Efron

I know he’s young but damn, isn’t he pretty? I’m not ashamed to admit that while watching ’17 Again’ there were quite a few gasps from me. Those eyes, that face. Zac’s only 22 now but imagine him in another 5 years? Don’t tell my teenage sister, but he’d definitely get it.

Lance Gross

His smooth dark chocolatey skin, his lips, his smouldering eyes, even his eyebrows are perfectly groomed. When he smiles it is such a beautiful thing. This guy just…. does things…to me… *bites fist*

Cristiano Ronaldo

This guy is beyond pretty. He’s the epitome of metrosexual, experiments with hairstyles, wears nail varnish on his toes and he rocks teeny weeny shorts but all with lots of muscular, manly confidence. This is probably how he still manages to be a total babe magnet (and a bit of a man-slag to boot – who else could use the chat up line “Me, you, fuck fuck?” and be successful?)

Shemar Moore

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SEXY

These guys bring the pure sexiness. These guys are the ‘panty droppers’. In real life, I’d stay away from these guys – waaay too much trouble – but for the sake of this blog post, let me take a moment to share with you the dudes who make me think unpure thoughts…

Usher

Ok, I know Usher has a funny shaped head and I’m aware he has a funny shaped nose too but, I don’t give a damn! I still find him sexy as hell. It’s the way he carries himself, the way he dances, the way he sings, the way he dresses, the way he looks at me through the camera (yes, he does look at ME) and that hey, having that hot bod doesn’t hurt either.

David Beckham

Sexy Becks. This guy can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. I don’t know anyone who can look equally as good in jeans and a t-shirt as in an expensive designer suit. He ALWAYS looks so hot, especially when working the mean and moody look. Becks is like fine wine, gets better with age. Mmmmm…

Mehcad Brooks

Started out all tall and geeky in Desperate Housewives but grew into his fine-ness just in time for True Blood. Now, I do love me some True Blood but he definitely helped to make it all the more interesting. And his Calvin Klein pics?? Ooooh weee.

Keston Karter

This guy is my ULTIMATE crush. Not ashamed to admit I have photos of him on my computer, on my iPod, I’ve even got his calendar on my kitchen wall. I’ve been having naughty thoughts about Keston for many years now. I’d be absolute putty in his hands if I ever met him. Sheesh, I nearly peed my pants when he replied (twice) to tweets of mine. I’d happily be a Keston groupie all day everyday. HUBBA HUBBA.

This Keston clip is an oldie, but a goodie. Enjoy!

Tags: Celebs, Hot Guys, Men, Singles

I admit, I was a little scared at the thought of signing up for a full membership on Lovestruck.com. Although I’d had profile on there since last year, I hadn’t bothered using it, mainly because I tend to get a bit put off by sites that charge (yup, what can I say, I’m a lil’ bit of a cheapskate) but also because after a brief look, I didn’t seen anyone who immediately jumped out at me.

There was something I liked about Lovestruck though, I like their ‘Dating Tip Of The Day’ tweets and I love their cheeky chatty advertising campaigns all over the London underground. Because there was something about their tone of voice that I related to, I signed up to receive e-newsletters and gradually let myself be persuaded into trying out one of their low-key singles events, the Laissez Faire back in January. The event itself was fun, and really quite a genius idea, but it was ruined by the fact that the only guy I exchanged numbers with became the nearest thing I’ve ever had to a stalker – anyone remember Lovestruck Guy aka Bug a Boo?

However, when the lovely folks at Lovestruck London got in touch and offered me the chance to try out the site for a week, who was I to say no? Lovestruck works slightly differently to any other site I’ve used before. It allows you to search for people according to where they work. Perfect for those who have fallen in love (or lust) on the train, the underground, the bus or in the street on their way to or from the office. On your dating profile you have to give your nearest station and you update your profile status to say whether you’re ‘free for lunch’ or ‘free tonight’. Swanky concept eh?

Being used to the delights of PlentyOfFish.com once I logged into Lovestruck, my first thoughts were something along the lines of “Oh my god, what kind of amazing dating website is this? Guys here can actually string proper sentences together and everything”. Obviously, I’d spent way too much time trying to decipher the messages from the men on POF.

Once I got past the fact that men on Lovestruck knew how to spell, I then got stuck into the mission of finding men to wink at/send messages to.  I found a cute guy; Indian, 35, an architect, worked near me, decent sounding profile, so I winked at him. He winked back (hooray!) and then…. nothing (booo!). Dude, I make the first move and you reciprocate but can’t even make an effort to put together a message? *Sigh*.  Anyhoo, a day later I messaged him and he messaged back, I replied… aaaaaand have I heard anything since? *insert tumbleweeds*

I did receive quite a few winks and also a couple of messages from guys but typically, none of them were men I was even remotely attracted to. To be honest, I think a week was too short a time to make a fully informed opinion on Lovestruck. I definitely think the mechanic is great and in theory, it’s a new way for me to bond with guys who live or work near me. But at the end of my trial, all I was left thinking was ”Dammit! What the hell is wrong with me? Can’t I even find a guy to go out for lunch with?!”. FML.

Tags: Dating Websites, LovestruckLondon, Online Dating, Singles