The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

No holiday romance for me…

Unfortunately there wasn’t enough time for any holiday romances whilst I was away on my solo adventure.  At least, that’s the excuse I’m using.  Five days in each country realistically isn’t enough time to have a hot love affair, is it? Despite my dreams of being approached by a Shemar Moore/Lance Gross/Common/David Beckham lookalike in some trendy Manhattan bar or restaurant, it really just wasn’t meant to be (sob!). Personally, I blame all of these New York based romantic comedies for misleading me.  Hitch, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Maid In Manhattan, Brown Sugar, Sex & The City, The Back-Up Plan – they all lied.  Where was my Will Smith, my Taye Diggs, my very own Alex O’Loughlin trying to steal my yellow taxi before sweeping me off of my feet huh? New York romantic comedy my ass.

LOVE in New York City (6th Ave & 55th St)

It really is a damn shame because ooooh child, the things the New York accent does to me. As I said in my tweet at the time the accent is so hot it can make practically any guy seem attractive. Phew! *Fans herself*

Although there were no hot dates or significant liaisons, I did have an absolute ball. I spoke to guys and yes there were a few interesting opportunities I could have taken advantage of, but didn’t.

New York City

These are the times I wish I was more brazen. Here I am, in one of my most favourite cities in the world all on my lonesome. I could’ve taken on any personality, I could’ve been anyone, I could have been ‘that chick’ who makes eye contact and flirts like crazy. But oh no, lil ol’ me decided to play it safe knowing being alone that if things went wrong I’d have no-one there to help. No-one to make sure I was safely tucked in my bed each night. No-one to make sure I hadn’t ended up face down in a ditch somewhere. Anyway, I digress. What I’m trying to say is that I didn’t go all out with the guys because I was being sensible ol’ me. I received compliments, head nods, smiles and greetings every single day. What an appreciative bunch of fellas these New Yorkers are eh? It was lovely to be stopped and asked for my name and/or my contact details a good few times but sod’s law, why is it always that none of those guys were ever my cuppa tea?

I did see a good share of drop dead delicious guys in NYC but mostly I watched them from behind the safety of my shades. I know, what a cop-out. right? I can’t help it, I’m such a wuss when it comes to hot guys. There was one guy in particular  who left me speechless. Holy shit he was so unbelievably droolworthy! See tweets here and here.

The closest I came to any ‘action’ in New York was courtesy of my long distance friend and snogging partner from my last NY trip. Lets call him ‘Queens’, as that is where he is from after all. Queens and I met during my last trip to NY back in 2006 and we’ve kept in touch ever since. That’s the beauty of Facebook, MSN messenger and the odd phonecall eh? Anyway, on my last night in NY I hung out with Queens, a girl I assumed he was dating, (they were exchanging saliva at one point, so ummm…) and a girlfriend of mine. Can you believe Queens still had the cheek to invite himself back to my hotel room at the end of the night? After he’d taken his ‘friend’ home first, I might add. I so wasn’t about to let that happen, I mean what a lo-hoo-ser, and poor girl!

Barbados

For me personally, the New York boys win hands down. In terms of their approach (their accent) and their style (errr, yeah their accent) but strangely enough, it was the Bajan (Barbadian for those not in the know) boys who were more upfront and more eager to impress, sometimes in an almost more pushy sort of way. The men in Barbados are *very* friendly, to say the least. They like tourists, pretty ones in particular. It’s all a novelty to them. I find it really easy to be drawn in by all of the compliments and the attention being showered on you, especially when you don’t get that level of attention at home.

The difference is the New York guys say hi, they compliment and they may ask for a number but then they leave it at that. Whereas, the Bajan guys want to know your name, number, which hotel you’re staying at, what you’re doing that night and if they can be your companion for the rest of your trip.

Admittedly, I took full advantage of the attention and was a total slut on last years trip to Barbados (shhh, I deserved it, leave me alone) but that wasn’t something I wanted to repeat this year. Once again, being a solo traveller meant I was more sensible. I wasn’t out partying every night drinking heaps of Mount Gay Rum like I was last year so in comparison, I was extremely well behaved. Yes, there were ‘opportunities’ that came in the form of last year’s two summer flings (yes, two). It was lovely to see them and spend time hanging out with them but I dunno, maybe I just didn’t have enough rum flowing through my veins this time around.

So, lack of holiday romance behind me; I’m back home, back to reality and back on the (dating) case.

Tags: Barbados, Holiday romance, New York, Relationships

I had another date over the weekend. A “coffee date” with a cute Italian guy from POF. “Coffee date”? That’s a new one for me. A date with no alcohol involved? According to Coffeedate.com it’s “a relaxing way to meet someone new without having to give up a whole evening”. Hey, that works for me.

Who Is He?

‘Italian Guy’ is someone I’ve been speaking to for just over a week on POF. He’s 33 (yay, someone my own age!) and he’s been in England for one and a half years. He lives in a town outside of London and told me in a phone conversation before the meeting that he doesn’t actually ‘like’ London, its “too busy, too crowded and there’s too much confusion”. Considering how much I absolutely love London, that’s kinda a major sticking point from the get go.

We had a phone conversation a couple of days before meeting and he seemed nice enough. Conversation flowed, we laughed and all was hunkydory until I mentioned I was hoping to get my hair done on Sunday he asked “will you be having dreadlocks?” Huh? What? Yes my dears, it was time for my ‘WTF face’. Why would he automatically suggest ‘dreadlocks’? I really hate to play the race card, but it is blatantly because I’m black. You think he would have asked that if I was white? I understand that not everyone has been educated on ‘afro hair’ but seriously dude! Anyway, that hiccup aside, the phone conversation was nice enough.

The Positives

- He’s 33 years old, the same age as me. I was hoping it means he’s more mature and that there won’t be replays of “Pussy Boy” and “Mr PAYG”.

- He looked cute in his profile pic, always helps.

- He’s Italian – quite liked that, something different right?

The Negatives

- Doesn’t like London. This could be a problem

- Only one photo on POF which is a pet peeve of mine. A head and shoulder shot doesn’t exactly give a clear picture of who you’re talking to.

- The ‘dreadlocks comment’ irked me. I won’t lie.

The Date

The date nearly didn’t happen thanks to London Transport’s weekend engineering works and to be honest I wasn’t particularly fussed either way. Sounds harsh I know, but I wasn’t hugely excited about the date. I went along anyway and had a nice time. ‘Italian Guy’ was sweet, polite, very stylish (Italian shoes, jeans, Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt, expensive looking sunglasses) and had a sense of humour. It all went okay, nothing to get excited about but nothing horrible either. Nice guy and good conversation however I wasn’t thinking ‘wow’ and I wasn’t thinking ‘yuk’. He’d like to meet up again but sparks didn’t fly as far as I was concerned.

Is “nice” ever enough? Generally chemistry happens quickly with people who are meant to click, so if you don’t feel the spark of something special within an hour or two is it likely that you might not ever?

Tags: General Dating, Interracial Dating, Online Dating

Yesterday I headed east to Paris France for the first of my international guest posts An American In Paris. Today I continue to head east in, fact, I’m going waaahaaay east… all the way to Mumbai India, where we’ll hear from another Twitter pal of mine, the very lovely and very gorgeous Dazediva.

The Blogger Learning Cycle

I’ve been blogging regularly for just over 2 years now; and it’s been a really insightful journey of discovering more about ‘me’, my blogger voice, and becoming aware about what else is ‘out there’.  I’ve discovered some amazing bloggers spread out across the globe; some of which are now my Twitter and FaceBook friends.  When I started my blog – I didn’t quite know what to blog about or how I would carve a space for myself out in Blogosphere but I knew I wanted to have a place of my very own where I could look back and think ‘damn so that’s what I was thinking / experiencing / going through all those years ago’.   I didn’t know the first thing about blogging – so I just kept reading around Blogosphere; found inspiration in posts; wrote up whatever I could and hoped that someone out there was reading my sporadic reflections.  And here’s what I discovered:

Be Yourself.

Bloggers earn their readers trust.  Be honest with them.  Don’t be somebody you are not.  The best blogs I’ve read are usually ‘in-your-face – this is my thought whether you agree or disagree’.  Everyone is entitled to an opinion and your blog is an avenue to express yourself.  Your blog should be a reflection of your personality – the good, the bad, the funny, the ugly – you get my drift.  Some people may applaud you on it; some might throw in a counter-argument but that’s all a part of being blogger.

Read; Comment; Read & Comment Some More.

Even the most amazing bloggers can get writers block; so it’s no surprise that the newbie bloggers and part-time / social bloggers need inspiration for their next post.  It’s important to read what others have to say about a topic / subject that appeals to you or holds value to you.  When you come across something you can relate to – then make sure you leave a comment behind – even if it just one line.  Blogging is about building relationships with your online peers so that you are able to engage them with your blog content and thereby build up readership on your blog.

Continue The Conversation & Ask For Feedback.

Are you giving your readers a chance to continue to the conversation with your blog post ?  What is the purpose of your post ? Do you want another opinion on your thoughts ?  Ask and thou shall receive !  I’ve gotten into the habit of ending my blog posts with questions to my readers and people do respond to them; which brings about a new perspective to the topic on hand and thereby allows you to continue your conversation with your readers.  There are times I call upon my readers for help – whether it be to find a music artist; or to get feedback on the change of design of my blog – and being the helpful bunch that bloggers are – the responses always help me out.

Unleashing Your Blogger Voice.

Your blogger voice is reflected in your writing style : is it personal, opinionated, sarcastic, conversational etc.  The more you read other blogs, the more you will discover what kind of writing styles appeal to you.  Pick a blogger that you admire and write a follow up post on something that they have done in a similar manner.  Don’t hold back when blogging – write without inhibition as if no one is reading and when you’re done with the post – then worry about the grammar and corrections. It will take some time & practice but once you ‘discover’ your blogger voice – you’ve hit the sweet spot!

Two years down the line – I’ve found out that there are a whole bunch of people who actually ‘follow’ me and read what I have to say.  They interact with me; encourage me; and push me to write and express myself in ways I didn’t think I could at all.  I never thought of myself as a relationship / dating blogger but some people do and I consider it an honour to be a part of this elite group of bloggers.  Last week I received a tweet that ranked me #20 in India as a person to Follow on Friday!! Does this mean my blogger voice has been heard – YES ! I believe that each blogger has an individual voice that will keep changing with every curve ball that life throws our way.