The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

I knew that last week Friday’s date with T.B., was going to be a hard act to follow but with other dates already in the diary, I had to keep on keeping on. After my first date with The Chatty Policeman I hadn’t planned on going out of my way to see him again but, he had other plans. He kept the text conversations going and, bless his heart, he surprised the hell out of me with a lovely text message on my birthday. He wanted me to let him know when I was free so that he could take me for a birthday meal. That’s how our dinner date last Tuesday came about.

So, here’s the thing. The Chatty Policeman is sweet and he proved with the birthday text that he is thoughtful too. But I can’t get around the fact that there was a reason I was ready to write him off after one coffee date. That reason was that he didn’t ‘do it’ for me. I didn’t feel excited about him. You usually just ‘know’ about these things, don’t you?

Problem is, on our second date, he said that he’d told his Mum about me (huh? what? already?) and then when I got home he text me saying he’d like to see me again soon. Oh dear.

Courtesy of @YourTango – How Do You Let Someone Know You Don’t Want A Second Date? (or in my case, third)  http://su.pr/2Ne33A

Courtesy of @DateHaterBlog – How To Break Up With Someone (not quite the same, but the advice is still relevant)  http://bit.ly/b89sXP

I’m not the best when it comes to letting someone know I’m not interested. This is mainly because I don’t like knowing I’ve made someone feel hurt but, also because since reading up on ‘Mr Good Enough‘ and deciding that I need to ‘date outside of my type‘, there is a part of me that thinks maybe I need to give these things a chance. What if something were to ‘click’ further down the road and he ends up being ‘the one’? I sometimes think I’ve dismissed too many perfectly nice guys in the past all because I don’t feel instant chemistry. Because I don’t get butterflies in my stomach. That’s what I want. That’s still what I’m looking for. I’m more than happy with the idea of ‘Mr Good Enough’, I mean, who really wants a ‘Mr Perfect’ anyway? But is it wrong that I still want a little bit of the fairytale feeling? Can I be blamed for still wanting the fireworks with my Mr Good Enough?

Do I keep dating him, or not? My sister says I should. In case he grows on me, in case something changes that causes me to see The Chatty Policeman in a different light. But is that fair on him? Won’t I just end up going down the exact same route I went down with Older Guy?

Oh and I still haven’t replied to his text yet, HELP!

You know when you have a gut feeling about something, but you try to push it aside only to find out your gut feeling was right? Yeah well, that pretty much sums up my second date with Mr PAYG.

For those who don’t know, I named him Mr PAYG (Pay As You Go) because when we first decided to take our conversation offline (we met via PlentyofFish) he told me that he couldn’t call me that night because he need to top up his phone credit first. Why on earth he felt the need to tell me that – a). he didn’t have enough money/credit on the phone to call me and b). inadvertently share he that didn’t have good enough credit for a contract phone – I’ll never know.

Anywhooo. I went on the second date planning to have an enjoyable evening but as mentioned in Friday’s blog post ‘The Jury’s Still Out‘ there were slight reservations lurking at the back of my mind. On the positive side, there were lots of jokes and laughter but at the end of the night I came home having decided that there definitely wouldn’t be a date number three. Let me try and break it down for you -

- On the first date I agreed to share a bottle (or two) of rose wine with him. Because, it’s what he drinks and he said it was cheaper to buy a bottle instead of individual glasses. Fine. However, this time the first thing he did when we got to the bar was start browsing the rose wine section of the menu and I pulled him up on it. “I drank nothing but rose last time because it was what you wanted. This time I’d like a rum & ginger beer please, cheers”. He sulked, but got the drinks in and the next round I returned the favour. After which he started on the economic benefits of sharing a bottle of rose again and for an easy life, I just gave in and went with the flow.

- I met him straight after work so naturally after a few hours of drinks, I’m HUNGRY. When I made him aware of this, do you know what he suggests? He suggests “a little place he knows”… and it turned out to be a kebab shop where we shared a portion of chips (fries, my US friends). Did I mention how hungry I was? I’m talking, ‘haven’t eaten since lunch and its now 10pm hungry’. I maybe small but please don’t get it twisted, I love to eat. (Side note: if I’m out with friends or even a guy I’d been dating for awhile I’d see nothing wrong with cheeky chips at the end of a night but even then, I’d want my own portion thank you very much!)

- Before heading home, he decided it would be a good idea to stop in the local Tescos superstore to buy another cheap bottle of rose to drink (whilst walking the streets) on the way back to the train station. Seriously dude? No, just NO.

Everything points to the fact that he is indeed an 18 year old in a 30 year old’s body. He still lives with his Mum, he has a pay as you go mobile phone (and seems to struggle keeping it topped up with credit), he doesn’t have enough common sense to realise if he’s invited a lady out for an after work date, the evening should actually include dinner (NOT standing up in a kebab shop sharing chips) and he thinks its appropriate to swig from a bottle of wine whilst walking down the street – NOT A GOOD LOOK! Also, I’ve since put two and two together and realised that the reason he still messages me on POF although he has my number is because…. it saves him money and means he doesn’t have to use his precious phone credit.

Come now, say it with me “ON TO THE NEXT ONE!”

Tags: General Dating, Online Dating, Relationships, Singles

Cougarism seems to be all the rage these days doesn’t it? I can’t read a magazine or a newspaper without seeing an article referring to it. Even this morning’s London Metro had an article saying that TV shows such as Sex And The City and Cougar Town are inspiring older women to buy more sexy underwear. The survey was done by Debenhams lingerie dept (blatant PR story) but you get the point, Cougars are obviously cool!

Cougar, for those who don’t know, is a slang word for women of an older age (ahem) who likes to pursue younger men (Other popular terms – cradle snatcher, cradle robber) aand thanks to shows like Cougar Town (starring Courteney Cox) and high profile celebs Demi Moore, Halle Berry, Madonna and Sam Taylor-Wood with a penchant for younger men, the word ‘Cougar’ has now gone mainstream.

The reason this is on my mind at the mo I because I look way younger than my 33 years and I tend to attract younger men. Prime example, I’ve been on PlentyOfFish.com for nearly 4 weeks now and other than a near miss with ‘MR PAYG’, the first guy to official ask me out on a date is a 25 year old. That’s 8 years my junior! Whenever I join dating sites I specify that I’m looking to meet guys between the age of 30- 38yrs old so to say I was a bit skeptical would be an understatement. Also my little brother is 25 in November, so it just seems a bit wrong! But with it constantly being drummed into my head that younger guys can be good for you, I figure why the hell not just go with the flow? I mean, he’s cute, he spells properly (I’ve developed major online dating spelling ‘OCD’ btw) and he’s approached me in a more polite and confident way than any of the 30-something guys I’ve been talking to. So yes, it is official peeps, I am going on a date with a 25 year old guy.

I’m in good company it seems, there are are even dating websites that specialise in catering for Cougars and their ‘young meat’ fetishes. There’s ToyBoy.com, CougarDate.co.uk and DateACougar as well. Yes, my dears, these sites are actually for real!

These days it’s all the rage and there’s no shame in it either! Why not, older men have been picking up younger girls since the beginning of time and nobody bats an eyelid. Sugar Daddies aren’t ashamed, in fact, don’t they boast about their ‘catch’ to their friends. I think that us women should do the same thing. We still got it going on, ladies! Hooray to Cougar Power!

Celebrity Cougars

- Demi Moore, 47 – married to Ashton Kutcher, 32

- Courtney Cox, 45 – married to David Arquette, 38

- Halle Berry, 43 – in a relationship with Gabriel Aubry, 34

- Madonna, 52 – on/off relationship with Jesus Luz, 23

- Sam Taylor-Wood, 43 – engaged to Aaron Johnson, 19

- Eva Longoria Parker, 35 – married to Tony Parker, 27

- Elizabeth Taylor, 78 – engaged to Jason Winters, 49 (GO LIZ!!)

Tags: Cougarism, Dating Websites, General Dating, Online Dating, Relationships

With only one month of my three month eHarmony subscription left, the race is now on to see if I can get a date (or at least have an exciting conversation) using what is supposed to be one of the world’s most succesful dating websites. While I wasn’t too keen on the idea of a paid-for website, I’d heard lots of good things about it from other people so was excited to give it a go. I mean, what sort of dating blogger would I be if I hadn’t even experienced the dating giant know as eHarmony? Unfortunately, I’m sad to say that after two months, it’s just not working for me.

I went through ‘guided communication‘ with a nice-enough guy the first week I joined. I found the guided communication process to be long and tedious and to top it off, there wasn’t even a conversation at the end of it! Since then, I regularly check the matches they select for me but to no avail. The past couple of months have pretty much consisted of me saying “really, they think that we’re a match?” – just because I like watching TV, keeping my home clean and orderly and reading newspapers, it does not mean that any man who does the same is a good romantic match for me. Also the past two months have had me doing a lot of internal screaming whenever I check my matches and discover yet another blank photo with the words “request my photo” across it.  I have a selection of pics up, why are they so special that they think people need to specially request to see theirs?  Grrrr! It’s also very annoying to send  a message to a suggested match when it turns out they haven’t logged on for three weeks and most likely no longer have a valid membership. Fail, fail, fail.

The thing is, paid-for dating sites get our money whether we get dates or not. Money woes aside, the annoying thing about my eHarmony disappointment is that after the bad experiences I’ve had this year (February’s Bug-A-Boo and April’s Stage 5 Clinger, anyone?) I am now feeling ready to date again. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the promise of summer? Or maybe I’m feeling refreshed after my New York trip? I dunno. Whatever it is, I’m longing to have someone special to think about. Someone who gives me a feeling of excitement when I receive a text message. You know the kind of feeling I’m taking about, right?

So with the above in mind I’ve gone and done it. The absolute nothingness of eHarmony has driven me straight back into the arms of free website Plenty of Fish. It’s only been three short months since I said “Goodbye to POF” but lo and behold, I’m back on there again! Even though I’ve started to get lots of the usual indecipherable messages from the POF freaks, I’m also having conversations with guys who seem pretty decent. Two months on eHarmony equals no conversation, six days on POF and not only am I speaking to guys but… I’ve landed a date too. Yes my lovelies, you’ve read correctly. I’m going on a date. TONIGHT! Woooo hooo!

Now, who was it who said that you get what you pay for….? 

Tags: Dating Websites, eHarmony, Online Dating, Plenty Of Fish, Singles

What better way to kick off the new year than to get some insight into what I can expect in 2011? Back in October, after being quoted in The Guardian’s article on racism and online dating I was contacted by a Nikki, a tarot card reader with an interesting idea. Nikki offered me the chance to have my tarot cards read to see what my dating future would have in store for me. What an opportunity! I’d never thought much about tarot readings before. In fact, I’d go as far as to say I’m usually quite sceptical about those sorts of things but, scepticism aside, I was hella curious to see what the cards would say about  my love life.

I met with Nikki at the end of last year and the first thing she explained to me was that the cards don’t do predictions. Nor will they tell me what to do. I wanted the reading to refer only to my love life (and not my life in general) so I had a ‘question reading’, where we asked the cards answers to specific questions. To give Nikki a feel for my ‘energy’, we kicked off the proceedings by me shuffling the cards. We asked the cards questions such as “where am I now, with regards to dating?” “where am I going, with regards to dating?”, “what should I do more/less of, with regards to dating?” etc.

There weren’t any huge earth-shattering revelations, but ‘the cards’ did confirm a few things I already knew to be true, as well as inform me of some potentially interesting developments…

• The cards confirmed I had a long rest from dating before my recent spurt. This was due to me feeling tired, disappointed and hurt after past experiences.
• The cards  don’t think I’m too far off from stability.  In fact (drum roll…) ‘the cards’ went as far as to say I’ll be meeting the one who brings me stability in the next 3-6months.
• The cards think I already know this guy. There is a work-related connection. Although we may not have directly worked together as a team. It may not be my first profession of PR (which is highly populated with females) but an offshoot – music, film, or maybe connected to my second job (this blog?)
• Although I know this guy its someone I’ve not noticed previously because he’s not on my radar.
• This guy travels a lot. He may be based in another country. Getting together with him could mean relocating in the near future.
• He’s currently still romantically involved or has feelings for someone and has business he needs to finish up.
• The cards confirmed that I’m quite a reserved dater. Past experiences mean that I hold back and don’t reveal too much of myself. I ‘sit back’ emotionally when first getting to know a guy. So much so that they may not even know that I like them. I play it cool for fear of getting hurt.
• The cards said I need to be more realistic in what I’m looking for. I’m too much of a dreamer. I walk away too early without finding out enough about the guy. I’m looking for perfection, fulfilment, dreamer on the inside, practical on the outside.
• The cards think I need a traveller. Someone adventurous. Someone willing to not stay in one place. An independent guy who does his own thing but is still able to give me time and attention.
• The cards confirmed I want something I can shout about. Something I can make formal/public. Not necessarily marriage but even as small as changing my Facebook status. To show others is it possible for me to have a relationship.
• I picked a lot of fire and water cards, which equal passion and emotion rather than picking air cards, which are the cards that allude to intellect. While this doesn’t mean I’m looking for a guy who is stupid, it does mean connecting on an emotional level is higher on my list of needs.

All very interesting eh? What makes it more interesting is the fact I’ve recorded everything right here. Depending on what will or what may not happen in the next 6 months. I have this post as something I can refer back to. The thing is, how much can I rely on this? If I already know this guy, do I still need to make an effort to date? Also, how much do I want to raid my Facebook friends list to figure out who the hell this guy is? Haha! All I can say, is watch this space…

If you’re interested in finding out more about tarot reading, psychic senses, astrology and mediumship, check out Nikki’s blog, Diary of a Tarot Reader. To enquire about creating your own bespoke reading, please contact Nikki at areadersdiary@gmail.com.

Tags: Dating Advice, New Year, Relationships, Tarot Cards