The Single Filez | romantic blog about date and dating

Compared to going out for casual after-work drinks,  Saturday dates seem more ‘special’. Knowing there is no work the next day, more time to prepare, time to shower, time to give myself a  mani/pedi and time to play around with my outfit – it just feels like more of a big deal doesn’t it? Even more so knowing that he was coming to pick me up. I said I wouldve been happy to make my own way and meet him there, but he absolutely insisted. At the time we arranged the date he told me he would pick me up and drop me home too… what on earth is this considerate and courteous gentlemanly behaviour? I’m not at all familiar with it. No comprende.

Anyways, after near enough a whole week of feeling excited about our second date, on Saturday afternoon I received a phonecall from Older Guy. I assumed it was just him calling to finalise plans, but I was wrong. He was calling to say that unfortunately one of his jobs had ran over and he wanted to know if would it be ok if we postponed our dinner date until Sunday. (Without boring you all to death with the details, he’s a self-employed IT contractor and one of his important clients system’s went down so he had worked all through the previous night fixing it but had to go back in on Saturday to finish the job). Of course I was disappointed,  but at the same time I totally understood and respected why he had to move our date. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice but I couldn’t have done too good a job, because he repeatedly kept trying to reassure me, “I’m not messing you about, honestly. I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight”.

I tried my best to convince him all was fine and tried to get into some lighthearted conversation, I didn’t want to come across like a sulky teenager but deep down, I couldn’t help feeling disappointed… I HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO MY SATURDAY NIGHT DATE GODDAMMIT!

Not too long after the phone conversation ended, I got a text message from Older Guy saying:

“I apologise again and will make it up to you tomorrow xxx”

I thought that was sweet of him. Apart from the fact his work had come in the way of our dates twice now, he actually keeps on impressing me. I replied to the text saying that I was gutted, I had been looking forward to our Saturday night date but such is life, I’ll see him tomorrow (Sunday) instead. I finished the text with a upbeat “Now, go and get some sleep!” (he had been working all night). I honestly didn’t want to let him know just how disappointed I really was. You’re only supposed to appear lighthearted, carefree and mysterious at this stage, right?

Anyway, after a bit of therapeutic whinging on Twitter next thing you know… I get a text message from him saying:

“Right, its sorted. I’ve spoken to the client and told him I have a hot date tonight, lol! He was really cool about it and I’ll finish the job off tomorrow. I’m off to get some sleep and I will pick you up at 7pm. I didn’t phone you just in case you try to change my mind! xxx”

I literally broke out in the largest, cheesiest smile ever. Wow and, wow. If I was impressed before, now I was feeling mighty damn special! I text back to let him know I felt guilty for getting in the way of his work and yes I had been disappointed, but I would have managed to survive waiting until the next day! Although, I also let him know that I wasn’t complaining and that I’d see him later at 7pm! Hahaha yes I am sweet but no, I’m not stupid…

To be continued…

Tags: General Dating, Online Dating

To Pay Or Not To Pay… now, that is the question.

Paying for dating sites is a dilemma I’ve been faced with recently. As  you may have noticed its not something I like to do.  I had a free three month trial on My Single Friend last year and recently had a free week’s Lovestruck.com trial (ah, the perks of a dating blogger), but other than that I’ve spent most of my time on free dating website Plenty of Fish, which for the sake of my sanity, I recently decided to call it quits.

Call me cheap if you like, but personally, I like to think of it that I just prefer to spend my hard earned cash on other things. Saving up for holidays, buying clothes, eating out at nice restaurants, socialising with my friends… now that’s the stuff I don’t mind spending my money on.

Also, there’s a part of me that still can’t quite get my head around the fact that my life has gotten to the point where I have to PAY to find a date.  What happened to being able to get dates the ‘normal’ way? Things are really that bad that I have to pay to find someone who wants to go out with me? These feelings aside, unfortunately, my lack of meeting guys in the flesh has confirmed that although I think online dating sucks, recently it’s been the only way I’m able to get dates.

So, as a little experiment for myself more than anything, I’ve just signed up for 3 months membership on paid-for site eHarmony. I’ve heard many good things about eHarmony and I want to see if it lives up to the hype. Previously I’ve always been put off eHarmony because, at £35 a month, it’s one of the more expensive sites out there. Also the fact that the sign up process requires answers to pages and pages of questions AND the fact they don’t let you browse photos ahead of signing up were barriers to me. I mean, paying before even getting to see who is on the site – isn’t that like going into a shop and shelling out your cash on something before knowing what it looks or feels like?

Nevertheless, what’s that popular saying? “You get what you pay for?”. Well, maybe I need to accept that in this day and age paying to get dates is something I have to embrace, and if that’s the case, why not go all out and pay for one of the most successful and internationally known dating sites? Watch this space!

Disclaimer: I actually used the eHarmony 3 months for the price of 1 deal they have on at the mo, but whatevs

Tags: Dating Websites, eHarmony, Online Dating, Singles

When you’ve been single for awhile (or forever, in my case) it’s extremely easy to have very low self-esteem. It’s easy to come to the conclusion that something is wrong with you. It almost makes sense for you to think you’re not good enough because everyone else around you – siblings, parents, cousins and friends – can find people who want to be in a relationship with them, but you never can. It doesn’t matter how many people say you have a stunning smile if  you’ve never been able to keep a guy interested in you for more than a few months at a time. So, yup, low self-esteem is inevitable.

Not too long ago I was on Twitter and I came across a few tweets that made me sit up and take notice. It felt as though The Dating Optimist‘s tweets were directly aimed at me:

“Do what you need to remind yourself why you’re awesome. If YOU think you’re worth dating, others will think so too.”

“The BIG advice: Write a list of 50 things awesome about you: What you know, what you can cook, jokes you tell well, how big your heart is…”

So I decided I should write a list to remind myself exactly why I’m awesome. Not a list of 50 things because that’s way too much and I can’t even think of 50 things. Also, wouldn’t 50 things would be an absolute snoozefest of a blog post? Anyhoo, with that in mind, here are 20 things that are awesome about me:

1. My lips – full, juicy and all kinds of amazeballs when plastered with MAC lipglass
2. My boobs – they’re full and juicy too*wink*
3. My smile – this is the one that I get told over and over
4. My laugh – infectious
5. My warm and welcoming personality – what can I say? I’m a people person
6. My sense of adventure – open to new experiences, I’ll try most things
7. My ability to always try to look on the bright side – I did say, try
8. I’m independent – I don’t let being alone stop me from doing anything
9. My love of travel – I get itchy feet if I don’t have a flight booked
10. My love of food- I maybe small, but boy do I love my food. Definitely not a fussy eater
11. My ability to stay small even though I should be about three sizes bigger – see #10
12. My fierce sense of loyalty – don’t mess with my close friends and family!
13. I’m brave and courageous – more than I give myself credit for
14. I’m great at keeping secrets – I’m a Scorpio, we’re secretive by nature
15. My sense of humour – when I’m comfortable with someone, I can be a right silly cow. I love to laugh
16. My sense of determination – once I have a goal set, I will always work my hardest to achieve it
17. I can throw down in the kitchen – damn shame I’m the only one who gets to appreciate it
18. My long term friendships – I’ve lived in London for a long time, but I’m proud to say my best friends are still the ones from my hometown
19. My life achievements so far – I come from a single parent household, from a not too great area but now I’m in London, I own my own home, I have a great job and I take regular holidays. I do okay
20. My potential to be a great girlfriend – admittedly, I’ve not been able to prove this one yet, but I’m sure I’d be awesome!

Sometimes I forget that I actually have plenty of reasons to be proud of myself. We covered this in the Get The Guy Women’s Weekend too, sounds cheesy I know, but I need to truly realise my own value and know that I am a person worthy of being loved. Thanks to the friends who helped me out with this one, you know who you are! And thanks to Dating Optimist (follow her on Twitter, here) for the pearls of wisdom!

ASSIGNMENT OPTIMISM: Remember that you are worth the good stuff. Great things should, can and WILL happen to you.

Tags: Dating Tips, Relationships

Following on from my blog post about how ‘off’ my bullshit radar is’, it turns out that I really need to stay strong and listen to my gut instinct. Usually the first feeling I get about someone is the right one. No matter how many ‘chances’ I want to give someone, they very rarely surprise me.

Despite blogging about my reservations, I went ahead and gave Fit Irish Guy another chance. I was annoyed when he pulled out of our date last weekend but I was pulled in again after he sent a text apologising for letting me down and explaining that he’d had a long week. He followed it up with another text saying that he’d like to meet up at some point if I wanted to try again. As mentioned previously, I always like to give people “a chance”. I mean, what if he really just wasnt feeling well before? What if he’s a great guy and I just need to meet him to see that? It was worth another go, right?

So I said that if he was sure he really wanted to do this, then yes I’d be up for trying again. He assured me that he wouldn’t have suggested meeting if he didn’t really want to meet me. Fair enough, a very good point (or so I thought). He asked where I worked and suggested we do a lunch date this time around. Sounded good to me.

I was already skeptical on date day but I didn’t think that he would flake out again, not after last time. But, thats exactly what he did! He called me 45 minutes before we were due to meet (the first time we’d ever spoken on the phone by the way) to tell me he was running late and could we put lunch back another 30 minutes. That’s fine, I actually appreciated him calling to say he was going to be late (FYI fellas, we always prefer to know this in advance rather than being left to wait at the meeting place, alone) plus I had work to do so I didn’t mind sticking around in the office a little bit longer. What really got to me was then receiving a text from him 20 minutes before our new meeting time to say that he was having a nightmare and could we put lunch back another 30minutes? At this point, not only am I starving but I’m in disbelief, what is it with this guy??  I was waiting for someone to jump out of the shadows to tell me that I’ve been punked. Was he doing this as a prank, he must have been doing this for a joke, right?

I told him that I couldn’t do lunch at that particular time as I had a meeting (he’s a teacher and was on half term school holiday, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have work to do!) and that on top of that I was now starving. I put him out of his misery and told him we should probably just leave it.

Thats it now. Fit Irish Guy is out of the game. First impressions count for a hell of a lot in the dating game and if he’s already shown me that he’s a time-wasting-jerk before we’ve even met, so I now refuse to waste another minute of my time on him. Two strikes and you’re out mate!

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Tags: General Dating, Online Dating

To court someone. Courting. Courtship.

What does it mean?

I remember the term being used by my Nan when she was alive. I remember her asking if my friend Matthew was ‘courting me’ – at the time I responded with an embarrassed sounding “Noooo” with the usual teenage petulant attitude (little did anyone know the things Matthew and I used to get up to when we weren’t watching Manga cartoons) but honestly, I didn’t know what she was talking about and I really still don’t know what it means.

Yes, I know it’s an old fashioned term for dating but is it the same thing as dating? If not, what exactly makes it different? Is it something we still do in 2010? How do we know if we’re just being taken out on a regular date or if we’re being ‘courted’?

It goes without saying that Google is my friend. I hardly ever ask a question these days without consulting my dear dependable search engine buddy first, and this is what I managed to find -

Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage. During a courtship, a couple dates to get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement. Usually courtship is a public affair, done in public and with family approval.

Considerations:

• I’ve been out with Older Guy six times and he’s definitely a lovely guy. Problem is, although I enjoy both his company and his kisses, I’m still not 100% sure about him. Not sure like I was about The Potential One after say… date number three.
• I had a major freak out when Older Guy invited me to his friends BBQ after only three dates but I admire the fact that it didn’t put him off inviting me to his friends 40th birthday party next week (I talked myself into saying yes, FYI).
• This week there was an incident (details to follow in a future blog post) that lead to us having discussion about ‘not dating other people’. The outcome of that convo was that we’ve now agreed we’re ‘officially only dating eachother’.

What exactly does this mean? And why does he keep wanting me to meet his friends? Are we ‘officially courting’? (See Wiki entry for ‘courting’ above and replace the second ‘engagement’ with ‘serious relationship’). What do you think?  Please share your thoughts…

Tags: General Dating, Relationships